What the Fuck is Going on?

I am sick of being abused. Sick of being told this is my fault. Sick of it all. 

They use my kids to hurt and, humiliate me to the point that I can't handle anymore.

PEOPLE SHOULD NOT BE ABUSED TO DEATH. 

I have done nothing to my children or, anyone else. I am sick of hearing "then why are they doing this to you?!" TO KILL ME.

They are proud of what they have done. They brag about it! I am constantly told how I should be ashamed or, embarrassed.  THEY SHOULD BE ASHAMED AND, EMBARRASSED.  

It's all mind games and, somehow it's all placed on the victim. It's my fault for buying into the abuse. I did this to myself! I wanted them to do this to me. I must have liked being raped because, I didn't turn them in.

Let me be very clear. I do not enjoy being raped. I did not want to be raped. When I was told what they did to me in 2021 I actually heard a woman say she was jealous. That she wanted to be raped! They brutally attacked me. Did horrific things to me. Vile, terrifying things and, they openly admit it!

Then, someone i believed was my friend. Someone who helped me escape the abuse that John was doing. Someone who kept telling me how I didn't deserve that shit set me up to be raped again. In fact, they came outside and, picked up my dog WHILE THIS WAS HAPPENING! It took a long time for me to accept that it was actually my friend that i heard puck up my dog. I was drugged but, I remember someone saying "how rude of people to interrupt us like that!' I also remember hearing someone ask "did you put it in her?" and, someone replied "ya, but, it didn't fit." Then "Scott's off the hook then!"

I hear my grandmother's voices sometimes, at night usually. My mom too. I hear someone's (a family friend) name used and, then they say hello to my grandma, by name! Anything and, everything they can do.

I am told constantly that this family friend (who i have not met though, it am familiar with who they are) hates me, doesn't want to meet me, tried ti get me to kill myself, doesn't think I am attractive, how these other women will "take him" or, "sleep with him before me." I have agreed to meet with him, nothing more than that. Spend time getting to know him. Why is that so upsetting to these people? Why are they trying so hard to keep us apart? 

They use my kids too. How can you daughter grow up in BFE? What the fuck? It's non stop.

Telling me to kill myself is non stop too.

"Trust your husband!" Who not only abused the loving fuck out of me, cheated on me but, I am told has told people he is going to get everyone out of trouble by killing me! I am told he drugged me and, let people into the apartment to rape me, I was told my brother did the same thing. I do know that in 2021 it was my brother that for days insisted I taste a drink he had. Over and, over. The harassment became so bad that I bought sleeping pulls and, drank it. That is when they say, from August 3 to August 25, 2021 I was brutally attacked. Raped. Kidnapped. Held hostage. Absolutely vile things. I woke up and, thought that I had passed out or, hallucinationated the few things I remembered.  I went to the bathroom and, saw my nose was broken. I took a picture of it and, the date from the picture is August 25, 2021. So I know that the end date is accurate. 

They know I have very little memory of these events. They have known that for a very long time. They admit it, yet harrass me and, make fun of me for it. They tell me things then, tell me the opposite. 

I am told that everyone who says they care about me is only using me go get out of trouble. I am not supposed to believe that anyone could care about me. Told how nobody could ever live something like me. Told how I am not a person. 

I can hear police. I know that is who they are yet, they do nothing except lately tell me how I am not allowed to move to BFE. I hear them talking about it. "I don't want her to move to BFE either." I have never said anything other than I will go and, meet someone. 

I get told how this person isn't who I think they are. All the time. Since I can't see anyone, I am left reeling. Unsure of who I am actually talking to sometimes. I feel like I am going crazy and, they think it's funny. 

God forbid I yelled. I get told how everyone hates me because I yelled. How I chased everyone out of the place I am living. How? I wasn't here! What the fuck did I do? Nothing. Something is so very wrong and, it doesn't seem like anyone can do anything.