The Pretenders
The people that helped me more than anyone else, they saved my life more times than I understood, they have been plucked from my life and, there is nothing left.
They tell me my kids can hear me or, see me then, they will use kids voices, my kids and, other kids to make it sound like my kids aren't being forced to hear me or, see me. They will sound like they are surprised and, happy like they rarely are allowed access this way! They tell me my kids schools watch me because, that's the "only way my children get to see me or, hear from me!" Then, they tell me that they don't watch me at school! I ask my mom and, she knows nothing! Tells me I need to check myself in! John would get mad at me and, say I am sick for making shit up.
These people would listen to me, offer advice, tell me it's not my fault. They would talk about cheaters and, how I deserved more than someone like John. They were my friends. I loved them. Then suddenly, I am told they mak run of me all the time. How they hate me. I hear them if I am outside, talking shit about me. All of a sudden, they start talking about how, like at least one other person did, I have one more chance with them because, my daughter.
They constantly use my children as an excuse to do this to me. My childre, the entire over five and, a half years they said different things about my kids. They told me for a long time in the beginning it was how they were going to take my kids away and, I would never see them again. That is what has happened.
Now, I have begged and, begged for help and, for them to stop using my kids to hurt and, shame and, confuse me. For example, this morning I hear my son, I think, I get asked what I would give him or, my daughter to make then smile and, remember our happy times. I have a very hard time remembering a lot of the things we used to do at a moment's notice. I get told they are asking for a reason. I tried to explain how depressed I am and, how unhappy all of this is making me. How badly hurt I am. They cut me off and, of course blame drugs. It's never how badly hurt they have made me, it's ALWAYS my fault. Then, they start covering something up. They said my son was going in a tiradevabiut drugs and, hating me. Then, I get told he signed off about 10 minutes ago. So, what was real? How will I ever know? I won't.
Any time I try to explain how I feel, I am cut off and, told how my "feelings are not valid!" I say how I need my mom and, get told "so does your daughter!" Then, why are you killing me? If my children need me, why aren't you helping me? Now, it's because I am a drug addict! Before, I was a child abuser or, child molester! It changes frequently!
All this time, everything about me have had no value. Nothing about me matters. I get, your daughter is innocent, SO AM I? Almost everything I hear is negative. All the time, everyone hates me. Everyone blames me. I am becoming afraid to not only talk to people in person but, be around them. I get told "just like Angela!" What the fuck!!!! Nothing about me matters.
I am so sick if hearing "rescue me" that I am ready to start killing people. I can't understand why nobody will talk to me in person. These people have utilized that to their full advantage. I have no idea what to believe anymore and, it is starting to hurt me worse and, make me paranoid.
Right now, someone is saying over and, over how they hate boys. Ok, not sure it matters but, ok. This is so disgusting and, horrible and, I am starting to feel like I am going insane. People are watching and, still I can't get people to openly talk to me.
I am not the enemy. Whatever has happened, this needs to stop.
Now, apparently, I choose drugs over my children. Fucking morons. I have almost no support. The people I thought would be there to help me through anything terrible happening, they were the first to bail out on me. Nobody will talk to me like I am a person because, I AM NOT A PERSON ANYMORE. All day every day everything is my fault. Nothing is ever the fault of the attackers, always me. I am at the point where I blame my own children and, family. Maybe if I didn't have kids, they wouldn't have killed me. Of course, now more people hate me. Why bother treating me like a person?
NOW, I HATE MY KIDS. I HATE MY PARENTS. I HAVE NOBODY. I AM SO UNHAPPY ALL I THINK ABOUT IS DYING. I GET TOLD THIS IS HOW YOU GET SOMEONE OFF DRUGS! MY OWN STUPID BITCH MOTHER SAYS THAT! THIS IS HOW THEY KILLED ME! WHO GIVES A SHIT? NOBODY! I BEG FOR HELP AND, MY MOTHER HANGS UP ON ME. NOBODY WILL TALK TO ME. They gave no problem talking at me an, making sure I have zero support while they blame me for all of this! Everything is always my fault and, everybody always hates me. I have no way to believe anything else anymore. People I thought saved my life have written me off and, I hate being alive.
I am never going to believe that anyone gives a fuck and, anyone who cares about me will just throw me away when it will hurt me the most. Like my "friends" did today! That's why nobody will talk to me about any of this, so I die. I hate life, every mother fucking part if it.
My own parents thought it would be better if this was done to me. It's ok to make me homeless and, since it is clear I am so hated that I get death threats, I am homeless I have given up.
But, THIS IS HOW YOU GET SOMEONE OFF DRUGS! DON'T TALK TI THEM ABOUT THE REASONS THEY USE. DON'T ADMIT THAT THEY ARE BEING HURT, BADLY HURT, BY PEOPLE. JUST TELL THEM IF THEY THINK PEOPLE ARE HURTING THEM, THEY NEED TI CHECK THEMSELVES IN. DON'T BELIEVE A WORD THEY SAY. TELL THEM YOU BELIEVE EVERYONE ELSE. BLAME THEM FOR EVERYTHING. TELL THEM HOW HATED THEY ARE EVERY DAY, HOW THEY HAVE NO FRIENDS IR, FAMILY. TERRORIZE THEM EVERY CHANCE YOU GET. LIE TO THEM EVERY CHANCE YOU GET. MAKE THEM FEEL AS UNWANTED, UGLY, INSECURE AS POSSIBLE, TELL THEM HOW UNIMPORTANT THEY ARE, MAKE THEM HOMELESS, HURT THEM AND, THEN MAKE SURE THEY KNOW HOW BADLY THEY WERE ABD, HOW THEY ARE SO WORTHLESS NOBODY CARES THEY WERE HURT, MAKE SURE THEY CAN'T REMEMBER BEING HURT, MAKE SURE YOU SPEND YEARS CONVINCING THEN THEY WERE RAPED THEN, BLAME THEM FOR RAPING PEOPLE THAT RAPED THEM OR, TELL THEM THEY WEREN'T RAPED AT ALL! TELL THEM HOW THE ONLY PERSON WHO WILL EVER LOVE THEM IS THEIR HUSBAND EVEN THOUGH HE ABUSED THEM SO BADLY BOTH MENTALLY AND, PHYSICALLY THEY NEVER WANT TO SEE OR, HEAR FROM HIM AGAIN, CONTINUE THE ABUSE ABOUT THE HUSBAND UNTIL THEY FEEL LIKE THEY CAN NO LONGER HANDLE IT AND, HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO TAKE HIM BACK, THEN BLAME HER FOR TAKING HIM BACK, MAKE SURE THE ADDICT BELIEVES EVERY SINGLE HORRIBLE THING THAT WAS DONE TO THEM DURING THE TIME PERIODS THEY CAN'T REMEMBER AND, MAKE SURE THEY KNOW THEIR HUSBAND IS THE REASON THEY BELIEVE WHAT WAS DONE, FOR ADDED EFFECT HAVE HIM REENACT SOME OF IT SO WHEN THEY THINK BACK TO PAST EVENTS, THEY KNOW THEY WERE ABUSED IN THE SANE WAY BY SOMEONE WHO PRETENDS HE KNOWS NOTHING AND, CAN'T HELP YOU, USE THE ADDICTS CHILDREN TO SHAME THEM, TRAUMATIZE THEM, ABUSE SAID CHILDREN AND, MAKE SURE THE ADDICT KNOWS ITS THEIR FAULT THEIR CHILDREN WERE ABUSED BY DOMESTIC TERRORISTS BECAUSE, YOU COULDN'T STOP THEM OR, DIDN'T GIVE THEM WHAT THEY WANTED OR, DIDN'T TAKE BEING TERRORIZED SERIOUSLY ENOUGH, TELL THEM EVERYTHING IS FAKE, THEN ALL REAL, THEN FAKE, THEN BLAME THEM AND, SHAME THEM FOR NOT KNOWING WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING. USE THE ADDICT'S CHILDRENS VOICES EVEN THOUGH IT ISN'T THEIR CHILDREN MOST OF THE TIME. CHANGE THEIR CHILDREN'S VOICES SO THEY HAVE TO GUESS IF IT'S THEM OR, NOT. USE THEIR CHILDREN AS AN EXCUSE TO KILL THEM, INVALIDATE EVERY SINGLE THING ABOUT THE ADDICT AND, USE THEIR CHILDREN TO DO IT. USE THEIR CHILDREN IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE TO PROVE HOW WORTHLESS THE ADDICT IS. TELL THEM TO KILL THEMSELVES ALMOST EVERY SINGLE DAY. MOST IMPORTANTLY, NEVER, EVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES HELP THE ADDICT IN PERSON. LIE TO THEM AND, DENY ALL KNOWLEDGE THEN, PROVE YOU ARE LYING TO THEM! MAKE SURE THEY KNOW THEY HAVE NO OR, VERY LITTLE SUPPORT AT ALL.
That is how they get someone off drugs.