Stay With Your Husband
I am so sick of all of this. These people are horrible. There is nothing I can do about the things they have done that I can't remember. Apparently, it's ok they did all of that because, I can't remember so who gives a fuck.
They tell me I don't think about my children all the time. They enjoy hurting me and everyone else that they can. I love my kids and, they use them to punish me and, the way they use people is so disgusting that I can barely stand it.
They shame me about everything and, I can't stand to be in my own skin anymore. I can't stand to look at myself. I barely take care of myself anymore. What would be the point?
The constant don't you think about your children and don't you care about.........? It's frustrating. I don't know what to do or, how to react. If I say nothing its just as bad. Nothing I do is ever good enough, nothing I do is right. If I try to do what I can to better my life, they make things even fucking worse. They blame me for all of their bullshit and, I have no future.
I should have understood sooner that John hated me. All the fucking lies, all the cheating, all the ways he hurt me, the way he would tell me that things I remembered are wrong or, how he would tell me something and, then try to convince me that I said it. The way he would act like if I don't stay with him or, I don't take him back I wouldn't survive. One of py all time favorites "if you break up with me, you will go to jail!" and, now I get to hear about how he didn't lie to me, like always. No big deal, I am so hated by these people that I don't want to live. What's the point when all people want to do is hurt me and, write me off. I hate being alive and, even though they sabotage my every effort to get clean or, to improve my life and, get back to my childfren, everyone keeps blaming me.x
They have humiliated me and, hurt me so badly there is no longer a reason to remain alive. They expec5t me to still give a fuck and, there is no possible way to continue to care about people.m I have lost every battle I have fought against these people and, I have no strength left t o fight for a life that isn'tx worth fighting for. This isn't living. Why would I want to live?
They show horrible things about me and, tell me that they know I am a liar and, that I remember everything but, I don't. I can't see what they show but, when I was walking by people a few minutes ago, it is very clear that they saw whatever it was! My own family thinks this is all ok to do to me. I get lied to and, there is no way to know anymore what the fuck is real. My own fucked up family keeps telling me that nothing is happening. According to people, in person, this is all in my head.
They blame me for everything my life has been destroyed by these people and, the attack they have done on me. I am so hurt that death is the only answer. The only way to take away the pain of what these people have done TO ME. I DID NOTHING TO ANYONE AND, THEY HAVE ATTACKED ME FOR SO LONG AND, TOLD SO MANY LUES ABOUT ME THAT I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT, TO DIE. I don't even know how to do what they are doing, I don't know how to use the technology they use. I have never done anything even remotely close to something like this and, I am going to be blamed for everything. I was a good person. I tried to give back and, be kind. That is partly why these people hated me so much. I already knew what it was like to be broke and, need help. I tried to do everything I could to make sure my kids knew that helping each other is important. I tried to reach them values and, everything I could in the shirt time they were in my life. Now, these people have used them to shame me and, hurt me to the point I can barely handle their names. I haven't pictured their faces in years when they say their names and, half the tie I can't connect their name to the person they are. They won't stop and, their attack is my fucking fault because, I am on drugs. There is nothing more I can do. I don't want to live anymore. It has come to the point where there is nothing but, pain. My children did nothing, I did nothing and, they used them to hurt me so badly that there is no longer live or, happiness, JUST PAIN. That is my fault too. Everything is always my fucking fault. There is no longer a reason to care. Caring only causes more fucking pain and, I can't handle more pain.
I married a cunt that set me up and, never loved me or my children. A piece of shit who used me to get away with everything they have done to me for most of my life. Not that it matters since most people clearly believe them and not me. All these people say the same things about me and, I am just one person. There is no way that I am going to survive.
They are so stupid that no matter how many fucking times I tell them I DO NOT WANT A FUCKING RELATIONSHIP. I DO NOT WANT TO BE MIRE THAN FRIENDS THAT DO NOT TOUCH EACH OTHER. They are too stupid to understand that.
The cunt I married is hel bent in getting me to cheat on him and, I made a promise to him, same as he made to me, when he got out of prison. I kept my end of the promise, even though he swears I never do anything. According to John Butterfield, I never make promises so I don't have to keep them. Meanwhile, he has only kept one promise he has ever made to me. Just one, he said he would show up that day, no specific time and, by God, he showed up! Beyond that, not one. I am not a difficult person to be with. If you don't want to do something, just fucking say no. I won't take offense, I won't be angry, I just won't count on you to do whatever that thing was. In John's world, it's better to lie to me. He swears, even though I have seen the recordings he fucking took of himself with other women, that he has never cheated on me. He says I am just trying to paint him with the same brush that I have been painted with! He is the one that has one of his girlfriends "whisper" to me so that I broke my phone, something he and, others have admitted. Then, he is happy telling me how at least we have his phone for the two of us. Then he makes a big deal out of how he isn't cheating and, how I can through his phone if I want so, I did. I handed it back to him with one of the recordings of him fucking someone else playing. He has fucked with my head so much and, for so long that he actually tried to convince me that it wasn't him in the videos! I can see your body you prick, how can you try to convince me it wasn't you?
It frightens me to think how many times he actually convinced me of something that was a flat out lie. He would say things like, telling me about the fucking dog and, peanut butter then, he spent however long and, still tried to tell me that I told him! No sir, I did not say anything like that to you! It was later I found out that they did something like that to me. When he said it though, he was all smiles and, joking like it was nothing. Later still, I found out that most of the time, when he does that, he uses my voice! So, others believe that I have said these things. Others refuse to believe I can't remember things. There is no hope left in my life.
Any happiness isn't worth the punishment that comes with it. Nothing is worth living through this hell. It has caused too much damage. Too many times they have taken everything I believed was true, everything I believed in and, ripped it out from under me. People I believed understood how what they are doing is designed to make me dependent on people who I find out too late hate me. Designed to make me kill myself. They have admitted this so many times. Of course, they continue to get away with everything they do. I continue to be punished for things I have never said or, done. They just keep doing this. They got caught for what they did earlier but, as always I am the one being threatened with being arrested. It has become very obvious that if there are people I can trust, I don't know them. I have done nothing but, survive the worst attack anyone could ever receive and, now, I will be punished for surviving. Nothing is worth living through this hell.
To know that my family is not only aware of everything but, they approve of people doing this to me and, when I beg for help they lie to me, I am giving up. I hate being alive. They tell me all the time how I should hate myself or, how I should be embarrassed but, they have no shame or, anything but pride for doing this. They are thrilled they killed me!
I have been honest about all of the things that have happened. Honest about who I am and, nothing matters. They still tell me "this won't work if you keep telling the truth!" Nothing about this is normal. I am going to get the death penalty for something I don't even know how to do! My "husband" helped set me up and, he started doing that long before I ever met him. I had no clue that people were doing this to me. Not until they started forcing me to hear them. Then, they had no problem bragging about all the things they had been doing. They have done this to so many people that they told me exactly how I would feel by the end of this and, they were right about every single thing.
They are using technology that is highly illegal to do this to me. Nobody is ever going to believe anything I say. They tell me things and, if I think about it they say to me "do you know how you sound?!" Yeah, crazy. There will never be a way to get my life back. They continue to prove that I am not lying about the things they are doing but, I guess they get a free pass.
They use other people's names and, voices and, they tell me "enough with the voices!" They use a woman's voice, the same voice they have used from the beginning and, I tell it to fuck off only to be told that it was my son! So, I no longer give a flying fuck about people. They never stop and, they have so many people convinced that I am the problem. Alk these people who believe that I am some terrible monster who deserves to be tortured to death! "Just give them what they want!" I will now. The ONLY thing they have demanded since this started and, the only thing I haven't done. KILL MYSELF. Something they tell me to do almost every day. Every day if you consider the subliminal messages they still play. They use frequencies to help control your moods. They have control of pretty much every single part of a human being and, I will never be able to convince anyone of anything.
They pretend there is some kind of investigation. Obviously, there isn't. They pretend that there was a grand jury, yeah, sure there was. I was kept captive and, drugged up during that time period, at least that is what they tell me. I think most of the things they have told me they did to me were true. I took a picture of my broken nose in August 25, 2021. It took until January 2025 for someone to point out that the broken nose was obviously more than a day or, two old! Something I didn't even think about. Wouldn't I realize if I was missing a lot of time. They said it was from August 3, 2021 to August 25, 2021. That's a long time. Then there was November 1, 2021 and, several other dates. I have been told that John drugged me so many times after he came back from prison that he had to stop because, the drugs no longer had the same effect! John, I am told, had sex with someone right next to me after he drugged me. Tracy m, once when she came to visit John and, I, told me how it's ok to fall asleep during a threesome. I thought, what a weird thing to say crazy woman! Turns out that apparently is something I did and, it was AFTER John came back from prison! I only know that because, John told me that he raped someone at his mom's house. That he bent her over the bed, crying and, raped her in the ass. Then, Tracy said that nobody would believe that woman because if the threesome thing! Only, I have never had a threesome. Same as I have never had sex with a woman! Yet they tell me I did and, Tracy tried to file rape charges against me on behalf of that woman! I am told that my brother also drugged me (with John) and, that they let people into that apartment to have sex with me. Even people I knew when I was a child. People I would have trusted normally. Tracy said, after I woke up in August, that she "used people who felt guilty to rape me!" She blamed people I trusted "this drugging brought to you by......." and, someone was upset because they "weren't supposed to take me out of Reno!" They kidnapped me and, that I now is true. I remember being at Grocery Outlet in Carson. The memory is hazy but, real. "Daddy's new girlfriend" the woman he raped, said that it was John himself that picked me up after I ran away from someone else! John was in prison but, the look in his face when I said something about that store tells me that something happened that he knows about. I remember looking up and, being at the east end of Sonoma Park as well. That is where they said that someone put a plastic bag over my head and, someone else held me while I was dying! Once, after all of these things happened, a year or so, I heard my Uncles voice tell me to put a "plastic bag on my head and play astronaut." John, after he came back told me the same thing! If I kick John out, he says he roams the streets of Reno because, he doesn't know anyone who will help him out and, I get punished. If I don't take him back, I get punished. He has fucked with my head so many times and, about so many things that I refuse to deal with him ever again. Like he said though, I will die without him or, I will go to jail. At least that was true, they have harassed me so badly since the last time he left, even though I didn't kick him out, that I am going to die. They have finally killed me. I don't want to try to live. I already know every bad thing they tell me is probably true and, every good thing, so far, has been a lie.
They are so fucking cruel. Sadistic is the only word for it. Pure evil and, I welcome death. According to Tracy, it is the only way to get away from my abusers. She was 100% right about that. When she found out that I go king periods without thinking, all the way up to Lake Tahoe and, back, I heard her say she was going to kill me. That is when she gave John the choice me or, her. Obviously, the way he has treated me and, buses me, he picked his mother. Who can blame him? That's his mom!
He would sometimes say all these nice things to me. Things that seemed sincere but, clearly were not. How he was glad we would be homeless together, we would at least have each other. He would laugh at something I did and, tell me how much he loved me and, I was stupid enough to believe him. He can clearly hear every word of what is being said and, done. He talks out loud to these people but, if I ask, he will rip my head off. Cunt! He set me up, more than once and, then shames me for anything he can. He swears he didn't say it was ok to live with the people I stayed with. LIAR. He swears that he never told me it was ok to have an affair, that he didn't expect anyone to be faithful for that amount of time, BASTARD. He swore he had so much to make up for and, wanted a second chance. I had no idea than that he was just acting like Angela T.! That is the only reason he wanted a second chance, to kill me! It worked.
I heard him plenty of times, for asking time I believed him when he said if it was his voice it wasn't him because, they use my voice all the time. I heard him saying how he didn't want my daughter, how he would rather be with someone who hurt us than be with me, all kinds of things. I asked him when he got back from prison late summer 2022, he said I was crazy and, if I didn't believe him I could ask his mom and, she would tell me the same thing. She probably would have too since, she backed up all the other lies he told me, al except one. Only one lie they didn't have the same story for!
That lie is a big one. They are all unforgettable and, his family has even admitted that he lied to enso much I don't know much about him or, them. That lie, I have a son! He said he and, a girlfriend he had in high school and, after. A girlfriend that he lived with and, had a roommate that was a drug addict that hit her while she was pregnant. A girlfriend that he was with when he got his driver's license and, the only car he could take the test in was a stick that he learned to drive in three days. His son's name? David! He even showed me pictures of him and, text messages from his ex girlfriend's grandmother. H does not have a son that he raised until he was 10! He also does not have a son that he was with until he was a toddler, like Tracy told me!
There are all kinds of things that John told me. Memories from his past that his own mother has backed up. Only, they are from these people that I can hear! They tried to pretend for a while that I was supposed to guess the traits of each person I could hear but, obviously that was a lie since I wasn't supposed to know who any of these people were.
John is such a piece of shit that I have heard people ask him if he told me these things and, he said NO! Making it sound like I am the one that has been doing this to them. Again, I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO DO THIS!
They keep asking me "how are you confused?" Stupid fucks. Each time I am confused about something I tell them right then and, explain what I am confused about. I do know that my uncle thought he could get himself and, whoever else out of this shit hike by telling someone I am confused and, I said right then I am not confused bout a while lot of things. I have no idea who that person he said that it was. Since I can't see anyone, it makes the way they fuck with my head even worse.
Anytime I tell them how stupid their plan was, they would fix whatever the stupid part was. Each time I tell them I am confused, they correct immediately usually so they can have their lies all together as a fucking group.
I am sick of people. I have zero desire to remain alive. I have no way of knowing who some man that used a woman's voice was. All I know is that everyone hates me. Even my best fucking friend or, the person I thought of as my best friend. I have no clue who was just trying to talk to me or, what they wanted. If you use the woman's voice that has always hurt me from day one, there is no way I a going to even try to fucking listen. That voice has demolished my life. If it was a man or, someone that gave a shit, then I would have no way to know that. Why I am being blamed when I have no control over what voice people use and, no way to see who the fuck is talking then, blame me all you want. I do not give a shit about people anymore. All day and, all night I hear people making fun of me, laughing at me, they tell me incredibly traumatic things and, if I believe them, my life gets even worse. I am not allowed to react to anything. I am not allowed to be angry or, upset. God forbid I try to release that anger in anyway. I am supposed to "push it all down and, keep it all inside" according to not just these people but, John who told me that straight to my face. Since everyone can hear everything I think, I can't slip up, extra punishment is swift and, horrible. The biggest issue is, EVERYTHING I DO IS WRONG.
Is there support from the man I married. No, none. He just continues to belittle me and, call me a cheater, even though he was all for it. Even though he swore he didn't hate me for it and, in fact just wanted a clean slate, no bringing up the past. I should have known that meant I am not allowed to bring up the past, good or, bad. John can throw anything he can think of that will get people that might have been on my side to hate me. Since I hear them telling me how much they hate me, then love me, then hate me, I no longer give two fucks about people. All I want is to die. Plain and, simple. There is no longer anything I can do to remain alive. Nothing I can do to become a person again. These same people that "love me" so much and, want to help me also, tell me how much they hate me, tell my brother to kick me out, supplied the roofies that my brother used in me, call the police on me and, all kinds of fucked up things. Why the fuck would I continue to believe that anyone actually gives a shit. For his part, not out loud of course, he needs to be able to deny it all, John tells me how one of these people was in his pocket long before that person ever fell in love with me. Since I hear him every fucking day tell me how much he hates me and, how he never loved me, I got used to him hating me. I got used to him not loving me. I can't understand how nobody gets that, he was never around me in person and, after being told these things for so long, I had to get over him. The other day though, I think John took the blame for him, I heard him say something about how much I love him but, I just don't anymore. I started to live someone else and, heard the same things and, that person said that he never gave a shit, it was just something that him and, John planned together. Now that I am done living and, am so ashamed of every single thing about me, so humiliated at the things these people have done to me and, shown the entire world, they are trying to get me to care again. There just isn't a way anymore. Whatever they showed about my dog and, me, something I have no memory of but, John said something and, tried to blame me for it so it must be something real, people that I walked by right after that said something and, I could hear them laughing about it and, saying who I was! Apparently, my dog has a nice coat! After that, what's the point?
Now, I know just how much these people hate me. Even though they admit the things they have dobe, not just to me, nothing gets better. They don't even have to stop, they just keep in chugging along, most of the time it only gets worse. It proved that all the horrific things they say, most anyways, must be true even though I don't remember. My mother, who I used to look up to and, want to be so much like, has lied to me and, made fun of me. Said things like I "deserved to be raped" or, "I wanted it!" Those people proved that, like she said, Tracy showed this to the world and, I will never get a job, be taken seriously, he able to get my kids back. They terrorized me to the end. I wasn't able to be who they command, I wasn't allowed to be myself and, I have nobody who wants me around. I thought for a while that there were a few people left but, I was wrong.
I am sick of feeling like this. They know I can't remember and, instead of stopping or, anyone being there to talk about all of this and, offer support, I get lied to, blamed, accused and, terrorized more. What had almost stopped before John got back from "prison" came back in full force with him. Every day only makes it all worse. They continue to say things that make no sense to me. John would say the same things to me as things he wanted to do to me or, things that had happened to someone he knew. He terrorized me in person or, as THEY have called it from day one he gaslit me. Fir a little while, his mother would yell "that's what it feels like to be gaslit in person!" Yet, what if he was truly the only reason that people weren't attacking me in person anymore? What if my family really does hate me, like it seems like and, they love him? What if he really was the only link to my daughter and, he would prevent me from ever seeing her again? What if those things were true. Plus, the way things get worse when he isn't here. The way they terrorize me, threaten me and, make it clear that I have to take John back for things to get better is horrible. No matter how many times I asked him for divorce, he always, until very recently, said no! Said he would fight it every step of the way. For a man that won't stop abusing me and, cheating on me, why not just divorce me?
I am sorry that my life means nothing to people. I am sorry that they decided that I had to die and, I already know they have blamed me and, used my voice for so long that when I am dead, I will be blamed for a lot of things. The only hope I have is that they will stop doing this to so many other people. They continue to blame me, telling me how I am hurting so many people, how I am a murderer. They ask me if I feel guilty for surviving. They tell me it's my fault these people can't be stopped. My own family could have made them stop but, instead say their "hands are tied because, I am a drug addict!" They admitted John "whispered "to me so that I would get on drugs and, we would have something in common! They admit to sabotaging me and, they have admitted to murdering people and, to trying to kill me.
The worst part is that anyone who is kind to me or, cares about me, they all tell me now they hate me because, they are getting hurt. They have killed family members of people that have been kind to me. They said people will blame me for those deaths because, I didn't kill myself sooner and, they do. People I thought of as kind or, friendly, they get fucked over and, now they tell me to take John back. People that said they lived me, they admit they were lying to me. My life has been so completely thorn through the mud and, finding out today that every person who has said something about my dog has probably done so because, they have seen whatever these people admit to doing to me. There is nothing I can do. I am stuck in a life that isn't worth living. I'm not dead but, I am not alive. I feel so fucking stupid.
I am never going to have to listen to this again! I will never hear people call me a drug whore, admit to killing people and, using my name and, voice. I will never be set up again. Never be hurt or, used so people can get way with terrorizing others to death. Never have to worry about being roofied by my own brother or, anyone else. I won't have to listen to people I loved tell me how much they hate me. I won't ever listen to people shame me for not having my children with me when I didn't do the things they say I did. I won't ever be tortured again. I won't have to listen to people make fun of me, lie to me, accuse me of terrible things. They won't ever have to tell me again how they raped me, in detail and, then tell me that they didn't take me and, accuse me of raping people. They won't ever set me up again. They have done so much damage and, hurt me so badly that I give up.
The best friend I ever had, that is honestly how I thought about someone who now hates me as much as everyone else. That is how stupid I am. I have done nothing but, survive and, these people are so sick that they can't understand kindness or, live as anything but, manipulation. I am sorry now that I survived. Sorry that I believed in myself. It is clear that is the biggest mistake I have made. I can't handle the abuse anymore. They pretend that they aren't hurting me. Even my own mother pretends people aren't and, haven't been hurting me. That is how pathetic I am. Even my mom doesn't defend or, believe me. They get pissed at me for thinking about killing myself but, they never miss a chance to tell me to kill myself, even my mom has said it.
My biggest crime? Besides being a good person they hated is drugs. I had some support but, with so many people able to do the things they do, I am sunk. They "need" me to die. They have said exactly that. Why wouldn't they sabotage someone they "need" to die. Now that I can hear people I trusted and, was so grateful to have in my life not only accuse me of stealing from them but, saying I used that stolen item directly in front of them, what's the point?
"Where are your children?" Even though they say they aren't asking me, they have used them so much, especially my daughter, the daughter that Angela T. is determined to "get back for Tracy!" You mean the children you swore you would get taken from me and, I would never see them again?!
I am never going to be hurt again. I can promise that. Nobody will ever be able to do this to me again. They say they have done it five times now and, that is probably true. They were so angry that I had gotten my life together after the last time that, if they stop now I am sure they will only do it again.
I won't be accused of being an abusive bitch ever again. They have done so much damage and, are the reason that John and, I fought. They admit that too. John, who swore he didn't know anything will repeat things he hears to start fights with me but, I am the abusive bitch. Nothing is ever going to get better. It is now very clear that I have nobody at all, not even to talk to about other things. My family is gone and, I am homeless and, hated by the entire world. No safety. No happiness. Constant anxiety and, stress and, there is no longer a point in trying. They hurt me so badly life has no meaning. They want me to die. I have tried to be nice and, patient and, all that did was make them worse. I defended people because, I thought they were also victims, I am too stupid to survive and, I do not want to be alive anymore. The live I have for my children has been replaced with fear. When I talk to them, it is only more ammunition for these people to use against me.
I know the things that can happen because, I am a drug addict. I fail to see how terrorizing me and, proving how hated I am is a way to get me off drugs. Caring about me while these people torture me to death might have been a better way to go but, too late now.
To be blamed for John going to jail and, prison knowing that these people have been behind it all has been painful. Knowing that John never loved me and, in fact volunteered to be in a relationship with me so the plan they created, with his help, could move forward, beyond anything I can wrap my head around. The terror I have lived in for over five and, a half years ends today. There was zero reason to do this to me and, I no longer fucking give a shit at all.
Every fucking thing I say, EVERYTHING, is just used as a reason to punish me. If I don't "speak" only when spoken to or, I don't say the exact perfect thing and, just talk like a normal person, punishment. If I say I feel like nobody gives a shit, especially after my mom lies to me, all that happens is more people shit on me. "You said nobody cared and, now you know what it feels like when nobody cares!"
They will never again tell me how I slept with all of these people when, I know myself and, I know that I wouldn't do something like that. I won't have to hear how John has had others use my voice and, pretend to be me so that people believe they have talked to me and, told me things that I don't have any idea about.
I won't have to live in a body with a face I loath anymore. I won't be called a man ever again. I already knew how ugly I was, long before I met John. I never believed I was beautiful or, perfect in any way yet, they have punished me and, continue to do so because, I am so perfect. I can't stand anything about myself and, I used to live myself and, being alive. I knew I had a future and, I was working towards a better life for us. Now, I can't stand my own face. My body is a constant shame.
"It's not just my face that's the problem!" "It's not just my face that tortures people!" They have been given a free pass to abuse the every loving life right the fuck out of me and, there is nothing I can do.
I died because, some ugly, worthless, stupid cunt, who by the way has done this to people in Idaho where she used to live and, almost killed someone there, didn't get the man she wanted. Instead he married me. Now, I have no self esteem. I am too ugly for anyone to give a shit about. I am too far for anyone to actually love.
I "raped myself" or, I "raped others" only they have admitted they raped me. Nobody I talk to believes me though. These people have treated me like I am not a person for so long that I know I will never be a person again. To them though, I just can't take a joke!
I will never, ever hear "trust your husband" again! That is the best thing yet! It is so obvious these people are killing me but, as long as I die, everything will be ok for everyone else. Which means, maybe they will stop hurting people I used to care about. There is no point in caring now, it only causes me more pain when I find out how little they cared about me. I am never going to feel like this again. At least dead I don't have to listen to people call me a man or, any other terrible thing they say.
I won't have to listen to people make fun of me for crying. Especially, since they only say my tears are just there for manipulation.
Basically, even though I have never done anything to them or, anyone else and, Angela T. attacked me so badly with words so sadistic and cruel that, I couldn't handle them and, the lack of privacy, being punished for being myself. When I said ANYTHING about her, all of those things I said and, everything anyone else said about her, they all had to become true about me. They have manipulated my life into something that is so far away from the woman I was that, I can't take it anymore. I was always happy to be me. I worked in things I knew I could be better at. I worked on myself and, this has made me someone I am not. They said I would become Angela T. and, she would become me and, now that I am see as someone I am not, even by my children and, parents and, they continue to treat me as if I deserved to die, I just don't give a shit anymore. Why should I live when even my parents are telling me this was ok for people to do to me. They tell me I deserved this based on how I treated people but, they did this to me over and over and over and, it finally worked! They brag about how it worked and, how they are surprised it worked so well! Nobody could do anything though. I have lost my family, my friends, my life. For what? Fir people to tell me they aren't abusing me?!
Abuse is not a joke and, I have finally given up. There is nothing I can do to make them stop, nothing I can do to make myself feel better. Nothing will ever help erase the pain of knowing people tortured me and, my own mother would rather lie to me and, say the exact same things the prick I married says to me instead of believing me.
This is the only way to get any kind of relief from the non stop bullshit. Fuck life, why should I want to live knowing these people will never stop hurting me? To know that I married the worst person in the universe and, that I died "for" some stupid bitch and, her obsession with me is sick.
To know that nobody gave a shit about any of the warning signs from them is stupid bitch and, that people helped her and, there is nothing I can do, I give up.
These people will keep doing this and,my life isn't the first or, the last they have taken. Who cares though, as long as you do everything they demand and, don't care that you can no longer be happy or, believe in yourself ever again, everything will work out for you.
I am sorry my life didn't matter. Sorry my own bitch mother decided it was ok to lie to me right up until I died. Sorry I was ever born. Sorry everything about me is a problem for as many people as it is. I hate being alive and, nothing will ever change that. I know now how the world sees the disgusting, ugly cunt that I am and, that will never change. People I loved, have never lived me. Every single voice has shamed me and, hurt me beyond what I am able to handle. How does anyone survive?
Why didn't my life mean enough to anyone because, anyone could have talked to me instead of AT me. I wasn't perfect so, I died. I can't take anymore. I just can't. This is so far beyond disgusting that I can't handle any more.