How Disgusting
I am obviously the most selfish, egoistical person in the world. How could I possibly have tried to express how I feel about being treated like shit, lied to, lied about and, eventually murdered. I should have kept my mouth shut and, died a long time ago. Instead. I tried to be a person and, was stupid enough to have believed that others would remember I was a person and, the horrific amount of abuse they have been heaping onto me would be seen as abuse and, people would help stop them. Instead, I should have understood that I am the bad guy and, the problem is me, not them. They say they didn't torture me, they are convinced they didn't abuse me.
Somehow, me being alive was such a terrible thing that they had to do this. They said they had to fix Johns mistake. I was his mistake from early on. I am the problem in their lives and, they decided, apparently as a group, I had to die. So, there was nothing anyone could do. Why bother thinking about the things they have done when they have the ear of God? They are righteous and, perfect. Nothing they do is filled with manipulation. They are not creating issues or, lying or, anything of the sort. They are simply proving that they are right about everything and, nobody that thinks differently should be allowed to live.
Do not bother trying. You will be forced to fail. You won't have a chance. The best part is, again, with no manipulation or, any type of anything except, positivity and, support you will eventually prove you aren't who you say you are. Don't get frustrated, it's tempting and, easy to do, it is forbidden though and, is only proof that they were right to do this in the first place.
Over time, you won't care anymore and, the people you believed cared about you by that point have proven they don't believe you. You will never be able to prove that you are anything except, crazy. You are no longer a person so, people will do nothing but, Mick you and, blame you for either forcing them to do this to you or, telling you that you did this to yourself. They will flat out say that they are killing you and, nobody will ever talk to you about the fact you are being murdered. Everything about you is wrong, just do what you are told by people who don't want you to be alive.
After a while, it won't matter anyways. You can't do anything. Breathing upsets them and, you will be punished for it. DO NOT LOVE ANYONE, ITS JUST ANOTHER WAY TO PUNISH YOU. Everything in life eventually becomes a punishment and, that's what you deserve! Not one person, even your family, will do anything but, explain to you why this is your fault. IT WILL NEVER BE THEIR FAULT FOR TORTURING YOU, FOR REMOVING YOUR FREE WILL, FOR TRYING TO KILL YOU, FOR RAPING YOU, you simply have to accept they did those things to you, a non human and, you have to get over it. You have to "take one for the team!" Who cares that your team is trying to kill you. Why bother pointing out, this isn't your team. This isn't a team you wanted to be a part of. These are people who hurt you and, kept hurting you until you died so they wouldn't be caught for the things they did. I HAVE TO DIE SO THE HORRIFIC THINGS THEY DID TO YOU! THEY KILLED ME AND, IF I DON'T DIE, I WILL BE PUNISHED FOR SURVIVING.
You will realize, sooner or, later, surviving is only going to make it worse. If you turn them in, you AND, people you love, will be hurt. Badly hurt. There literally is nothing you can do. If you go to them and, ask them or, tell them to stop, they pretend you are attacking them. How dare you try to stop them, that isn't your place, your place is to die. You are the problem in the world. They are innocent and, it isn't their fault you made them do this to you. Nobody will believe you. The best you might get is "I believe you believe this is real!"
Everything you loved, cared about, liked, it's all gone. There is nothing that brings any kind of happiness and, you get punished for happiness anyways. WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU WILL BE EXPLAINED TO YOU IN THE BEGINNING. Every single way you will feel and, how everyone will treat you will be explained. Do yourself a favor and, believe them because, they are being honest with you. You might believe that someone will still care about you or, that there is no way you will feel like that. You will though. It will be the only thing you can feel. How would they know how you would feel? They don't know you. We all feel the same in the end. They will abuse you to the point of insanity and, they know how you will react because, EVERY PERSON THEY HAVE DONE THIS TO HAS REACTED THE SAME WAY. They will kill you and, you will be grateful for it!