I Hate Everyone

 This has become the most pathetic bitch on this planet. I hate myself and, my life so God damn much.

I am done caring about life. John has become the most destructive piece of shit loser I have ever met and, he has destroyed everything about me with his lies. Lie on top of kienon too if lie. 

They fucking tell me that my son killed himself, again and,, this sack of shit didn't give a fuck. How the fuck did I ever believe that he loved me or, my kids? 

All he ever does is tell me how sick I am for thinking things like this up. How he doesn't hear a single voice and, never has. He said he has never known anyone that hears voices either.

He makes fun of me all the time for hearing them but, has no problem repeating the shit he hears to start fights with me. He micks me for the things they say they have done to me. It is very fucking clear he never loved us. I lost my life and, I don't know why they refused to fucking stop. I hate everyone and, everything about life.

This has become something so sick I have lost my family and, I have no friends. John has made sure I know how worthless I am and, how he never gave a shit. It's always my fault and, I am done begging for help. I will never ask anyone for help again. It only causes problems. Everything about me is a problem. 

I can't try anymore. They wanted to torture me to death and, it worked. No matter what I did, it was wrong. Everything in my life has been destroyed and, I don't have the ability to keep trying to survive. What would be the point? So people can hurt me and, kiento me more? 

I can't stand people anymore. I don't have a clue what might be true I over the last, at least 5,5 years.  I have asked people but, nobody ever knows anything. I lost my life fighting for a family that didn't want me and, freedom that will never exist. 

To them, they are righting the wrong in the world by taking away people's free will. Nobody can do a fucking thing though. 

All they do is traumatize me and, they think it's funny. At least once a week I get told some horrific things, it's never real and, nobody dies anything but make fun of me for believing what they say. Now, I can't handle life and, the pain. 

They have used my kids to hurt me and, they will never stop. I over and, over and, over I am told terrifying, horrible things. Not just someone died, which they live to make sure they are the first people to tell me but, things like my mom shot my dad in the head, they had my daughter up at 2am to tell me that one! My dad shit my mom. My dad beat my mom and, my daughter and, my mom is unconscious in the floor. They either use my daughter or, her voice to tell me these things. My of daughter got hit by a car. People tried to kill themselves because of something I said or, did. They shot my mom in the head once. John got into many, many car accidents. 

Now, I am being shamed and, treated like shit again. John, proved that he never gave a fuck about us. We were just a game to him. He knew everything they have done and, he lies about everything. Who gives a flying fuck that they are actually torturing me. NOBODY.  Once again, nothing is real! What the fuck is the point of life when you can't even understand what is real and, what isn't? When you are told to kill yourself every fucking day? When you have nobody you can ask for help? Nobody can tell me anything in person because, I am not worth it. 

I did nothing and, I am done giving a shit. Fuck people. My own family helped do this to me and, my children. I am sick of hearing that they didn't torture my kids. I know they did. I know that some dumb bitch caused my son to get into a car accident. Nobody could do a God damn thing except hurt me more.

They have told me so many fucking times that my son killed himself that I don't believe a word of it now. It's always the same. There isn't anyone I can ask. Nobody would call me to tell me since everyone hates me. I hate everyone and, I don't want to live. They all tell me how much they hate me. All the time. Every single person. What's the point in hope? I know how they all pretend. How they don't want to be around me. How I am too disgusting. In fact I am so disgusting John can't keep his dick hard. I heard that from two different people. I can no longer believe that I am a person. I no longer believe that people can care about me. I don't think it's possible for a human to care about me, especially behind my back. 

According to John, this is all in my head. The voices only I can hear. At least I know that part isn't true. Others can hear this. I don't know how many and, I have never been able to find myself online. My mom tells me that nobody can hear me or, see me. 

I loved someone and, truly believed only to be told how he hates me and, could never love something like me. I can't count on knowing if it is the person who owns that voice or, someone else. Constantly revolving voices and, names that don't belong to the actual person. There is no point in believing since they will crush every single bit of hope, happiness, anything good is forbidden. 

I am not allowed to believe. Not allowed to be happy. Not allowed to be angry. Not allowed anything but, misery. "Just kill yourself, Jennifer Butterfield!" 

No problem. Not a fucking clue what the hell is real or, what is actually happening so what's the fucking point?