I Am Everything They Say I Am

 Why try to prove that I am nothing like what they say I am? Every single day, everything I do is wrong and, I need to learn my lessons or, face punishment. I must actually be as worthless as they tell me I am, otherwise, why do people avoid talking about this to me?

I can't take this. I can't believe anything unless, it's something they want me to believe. I can't believe anyone or, they will be hurt too. 

I feel so pathetic. Uncertain of the right thing to do and, I will be punished either way. They make all kinds of accusations and, without proof, I am not supposed to believe them. They say this is how they get people to trust each other.

I can't stand myself anymore. I love John and, it is very clear that something isn't right but, all I know is it's my fault. They tell me he doesn't live me and, they have for five and a half years. I won't talk very much about anything and, I will keep it inside and l, push it down like John told me to. Maybe then they will stop and, I will be allowed to act like myself again.