I Can't Take Anymore
These people can fuck off.
I am sorry that they had to hurt me like this for me to learn my "lesson!"
I am sorry I can't remember what they did. I know that I keep being blamed for so many things and, I am so tired of being hated.
I am so tired of hearing that John is doing all kinds of things behind my back and, then told to trust him. I am sick of being told how I lost this person or, that person. I am sorry that I talked to people. I didn't know that they hurt me the way I am told they did. I am not sure why nobody could do anything but, tell me what happened to me and, my children and, a lot of others. They are killing people and, I don't understand any of this.
How can people plan to do these things to someone and, nothing can be done?
I know now that "nobody loves you, Jennifer Butterfield?" Could be true. I can only do so much when I didn't know that any of the things that they say were done, were actually done.
I am not sure how to handle all of this not sure who did what or, if anything happened at all. They have been so destructive and, the abuse has been too much. I am hated for things that I didn't do or, say.
I told them not to use me as some kind of bait and, apparently that meant I knew what they were doing. How the fuck can you abuse someone so badly they don't have hope while all of the people that they say hurt me so badly, they just keep hurting people.
John, he just keeps repeating things I have said to the people he swears he doesni't hear. Swears he doesn't know. This has completely demolished my fucking life. They have lied to me so badly about who people are that I feel lost. They act like I did this to them! The act like I am the one killing people. They act like they have done the world a huge favor by hurting me.
I HAVENT DONE ANYTHING TO ANY OF THESE PEOPLE AND, IT IS CERY CLEAR THAT I AM HATED AS MUCH AS THEY SAY I AM.
I have trusted John as much as I can and, I am sorry that it wasn't enough. I am sorry that he hates me as much as he obviously does. I am sorry that I wasn't able to be perfect. I am sorry I wasnt able to be stronger than the abuse or, the abusers. I am sorry I am so disgusting and, worthless. I am sorry I am lazy. I am sorry for all the things I didnt fucking do.
They just keep chanting trust your husband and, I am starting to go insane. I can't be the person they demand and, they won't stop unless I am. They are so far beyond abusive that I can no longer deal with this.
They have taunted me about being raped. Made fun of me and, I can't understand why all of this has happened when that was four years ago.
They tell me the most vile things and, in person, people tell me they don't know anything. Even my mom tells me she doesn't know anything and, John tells me my family hates me so, I am not sure what to believe. Why would my mom lie to me about people trying to get me to kill myself? Why would my mom hate me?
People have hurt me. Badly, badly hurt me
I hear so much hate thrown at me all day and, night. I don't know what to think and, when I do think it's the wrong thing to think. The things I have heard have done so much damage and, I am being threatened and, blamed for things I didn't do. Things I don't remember. I wasn't the problem here. I wasn't the bad guy. I don't understand.
I'm sorry. I don't know what happened. I don't remember and, I am sorry that I can't handle any more. I just can't.
I have little to no support I trust as many ch as I can and, I dont understand why they keep demanding I teust my husband. I wish I had been able to overcome the things that I wasn't able to.