Fuck Them
My own family knew this was happening and, it was two and, a half years between the time I started hearing them and, the time they say I was raped. It wasnt until I heard someone say "I tested her every way possible, she doesn't remember anything so, do whatever you want!" Then they went into crazy mode and, started saying that I asked someone to molest my child.
Who in the fuck would do something like that and, why was my child anywhere near any of this?
They said from August 3, 2021 to August 25, 2021 I am missing most of the memories from that time period. There are other times since then as well. It seems completely logical to continue to do this to me and, make sure that I know if I try to get help, they will "whisper" to anyone into and, see. I am stuck in the worst possible way.
When this started, Angela kept saying that she had molested my child. Nobody really took it very seriously though. I took her to the hospital and, I told my mom and, John. When I took her to the hospital, someone "whispered" to the doctor and, the doctor didn't do the exam because, they would dispose of evidence as they said it had been too long. Maybe a year ago I heardbsimeine say that they only did that because, Angela swore she didn't do anything to my child and, that person believed her.
I heard Angela say that she had found people to cover up everything she had down. I heard someone else say that as well after she said it.
I am starting to think that, if what they say happened is real, then how can they not look at people who "covered everything up by using other people?"
Every single fucking time people start to think of me as a person or, things start to sound like maybe there is hope, something happens and, everything gets ripped out from under me.
I am not a child abuser or, child molester. She ran all over the place, using my fucking voice, saying she molested not just my child but, two other children as well!
How can all these things happen over two years after I started hearing her and, after turning them in so many times? I feel sick to my stomach.
At first, it was John she was accusing. She said she was going to make sure that he couldn't adopt my daughter. The sickest part of all of this is, John knew all of this. He knew I have been telling him the truth. How the fuck can something like this happen?!
I can't take anymore. It's a non stop assault and, each time there is a sliver of hope, it's gone in an instant. I am so hurt for my children. I have no idea if any of what they have said is true, other than I know my nose was broken and, I am missing time. I believe a lot of what I have heard, even though, now they are trying to convince me that none of it was true. They spent years convincing me it was true and, my head can't take this anymore.
I am tired of being blamed. Tired of hearing that all of this was "part of the plan!" Tired of feeling alone and, afraid of what I am hearing. Tired of forgiving people. Tired of learning to trust or, care only to be told what that person had done to me. If you know what they did to me, why didn't you do something? Why wait until I care about them? Why keep hurting me? Why keep me from my children? Why didn't people believe me or, talk to me in person?
At least I know the answer to that. The only reason is to force me to learn to trust and, care about people who apparently hurt me so badly. Then, it's even worse. I keep feeling stupid for trusting and, caring. For loving. I don't understand why you wouldn't want to help make people stronger, not weaker.
Why would people use my children to break me down like this? Your children show me be a source of happiness not, used to hurt you. My children's names shouldn't bring worry or, fear because, they won't stop their bullshit. I should be able to picture my kids faces when I hear their names or, be able to connect their name to the person they are and, more and, more when I hear their name, I can't connect them. My kids, how can people be so sick they use my children to hurt me?
What the fuck is going on?
Each time I trust or, care about someone, that person is also used to hurt me. I get told how much they hate me and, all kinds of other things. They also tell me that people don't actually care about me, they just want to get away with something and, that's the only reason they want to be around me. For the most part, I didn't believe that. Most of the time I just agree with whatever they say and, let it go in one ear and, out the other.
This whole thing sucks. I am sorry that they refuse to stop and, sorry that others are being hurt. 💔