My Kids

They told me in the beginning they would take my kids and, I would never see them again. 

Not because I did anything horrific, they just didn't like me and, the fact that John and, Sophia bonded the way they did. Alex too but, they rarely mention on him.

They would pymish me if I thought about my kids first and, if I thought about John first.

Now, they have hurt me more than I can handle. Tell me horrific things that have been done to me or, my children. I ask my mom and, John and, they don't have a clue what I am talking about. John tells me and am sick for thinking things like what I hear up! Like it's my fault.

My kids are the best parts of my life. I am sick to death of being told to think about my kids or focus on my kids. I am doing the best I can while people control nue to hurt me and, tell me to kill myself.

I am incredibly sorry that I don't know what to believe. Did the things they say we're done to me actually happen? If they did, how could my own mother cover that up? I believe some of those things did happen. After being told so many times that nobody will believe me and, knowing my mom doesn't even believe me, I am uncertain what exactly to do.

I am not a child molester or, a child abuser. I am sorry people believe such terrible things about me. They are lies but, the deck is stacked against me.

Everything I do is wrong. I can't tell you how many times I heard someone saying that exact thing to someone else. 

I am sick of people telling me that I am mentally ill or, that rehab will fix everything. It won't stop them from doing this to me me and, others. 

I am sick of hearing "where's your ring?!" I gave it back to John years ago. I gave it back or, it would fall off and, disappear several times over the years. Just like the earrings John said he picked out special for me and, he said he had them for a while he just hadn't given them to me, I hear very frightening things. Who knows what is true and, what is made up to drive me insane?

I only know a few things for sure and, they are not very good things. 

My life sucks. There is very little I can do. I tried to believe that thingsight get better or, that people understood it isn't my fault that I can't remember.

It hurts to listen to my brother, once again, trying to get me to drink alcohol. I don't want what happened last time to happen again. My mom, I cant begin to understand why she won't help me. How can she know the truth and, pretend? 

They keep twisting what I think might be real into other things. They refuse to stop hurting me and, let me heal. 

I am sorry that things are this way. I haven't done anything to justify what they are doing to me. I am sorry that they don't believe what I have been saying. I get called a liar all the time. I wish things were different and, that people could have talked about this in person. I know I am innocent and, I am sorry that I wasn't perfect.