I Have Been Lucky

I am sorry for being so ungrateful. I have had a very good life. I know Angela has said we should have seen this coming because we "were the happiest couple they had ever seen" "what happened to them? We stopped watching because they got a long so well!"

I know the "joke is on me" I have been told that and, so many other things for so long and, I should have understood or, at least tried long before now. 

I can understand it now. I am sorry that I took this all so seriously and, so personally. It seems so clear now! I feel foolish now. 

Thank you for taking so much time out of your lives to try to improve mine. I should have listened to the things I was being told more. I didn't really believe that anyone would honestly feel like I had to become them and, they had to become kenso that people would "think about them more!" I am sorry that people thinking about me more made Angela cry and, beg for understanding. I am sorry that she felt the need to watch John and, I and that our happiness hurt her so badly and, cost her so much. In hindsight, John belonged to her and, I should never have let him marry me. All she said she wanted was a "second chance so he would get to know the real her because, she was only the way she was due to (her words)!John's family torturing her. She deserved a second chance. After all, once she saw him with me, she realized he was, after all, "marriage material" something that apparently wasn't seen in him before.

I am happy that the "opportunity to torture someone she hates fell into her lap" that was quite the luck! It is strangenti think all this was simply because these guys all asked her to help them stop their mom's! Weird since she also firmly believes you have to "win over" moms or, parents in order for someone to love you.

I didn't understand why I was being told that Tracy was my enemy. We seemed to get a long the few times we were around each other before this started and, I liked her. I wanted to meet John's family, especially his mom since that is where he lived when we met.  He said I shouldn't, that she was psycho but, I  loved him and, unwanted to meet his family. 

I am sorry that repeating their words back to them and, going to ask Angela to knock her shit off caused such turmoil. Our happiness made her so angry and, after everything that has happened, to me it is clear, as long as she feels like she is the better woman, things are ok.

I have learned a lot during these last five plus years. I am deeply sorry that I have lost so many people and, I am so hated. I am happy for people who felt like this was something "that had to be done!" Having never met Angela or even having heard her name before I met John, the extreme hatred is unnerving. It is clear I overreacted. John has said she was overly sensitive and,cinwssjt supposed to tell her we got married. I told her anyways because, I was happy and, proud to be married to him. I can tell I should have listened. 

I was overly concerned about someone breaking into our hole and, trying on my clothes, bathing in our shower so she could smell like me, telling me she put a camera in my vagina so she could know what it "was like to have sex with John* tracing my outline every day to see if I gained weight, keeping a wall of mutilated pictures of me, stealing our daughters clothes and, toys and, John's clothes, punishing his family and, causing his mother to lose part of her foot. She was simply "being Angela" and, she is harmless. Just ask the man she dated for "14 years" before she met John. She told John how it didn't bother her at all that he married someone else and, that she and, the other woman were best friends! She wouldn't do this to anyone, these are all normal things to do.

She almost killed someone in Idaho, long before she convinced her mother to move to Carson City, NV. Admitting, gleefully, how she not only has been trying to kill me for years, hired people to kill me and, how she hates each and, every member of this group of people "who moved on without her" should be something that I am punished for. 

Since she swears that it was Tracy who "whispered" to us and, caused our fighting, even though she had been caught previously hitting people through others, I guess everything is good.

It is illogical to believe that she has focused in me and, families with a lot of sons for most of her life. Who would do something like that?  It has hurt to watch my world fall apart, not be there for my children and, listen to people blame me. 

"To always remember the truth about everything and, but be able to stop her!" My first punishment.  

I wish I had understood that there were people, more than just the person who tried to help me understand how to record this (which I was able to do) helping me. It was all so overwhelming and, humiliatint.

Maybe things would have been better if I had been nicer and, not told her to fuck off. After all "Angela gets what Angela wants!" To me that explained the last Christmas she spent with John and, his family. It is perfectly sane for someone to put cameras in our home. Even more so for her unternst "Hope7300" to reach our home. We were just too happy and, in love. 

Nobody forced her to watch us. Nobody asked her to watch us. U AM aware she had permission to do this one day a week. 24/7 but, what could she do? She had to get her property back. I wish things had been different. I am sorry she was able to do this. U know people don't believe me and, I am sorry. She likes to tell me how she was better than me and, others did try to help me. Nobody would ever tell themselves "why don't you think you are going crazy like you are supposed to?!" 

I have been asked so many times if I am still happy I married John. I loved him. I regret not being able to understand why John wouldn't "be a Butterfield anymore if he stayed married to this pug bitch" and, looking back it is clear that he has never loved me or, been attracted to me. I am sure people heard someone say they would have reacted the same way John did when I tried to have sex with him. I truly believed that she had the control she said she did and, I believed she was hurting people the way she said she was.

I am sorry this has happened. So many people are hurt and, it is all so painful. Nobody should be murdered. I am grateful to my parents. I know people said they did me a disservice by not telling me about any of this but, they did what they thought was best and, I am thankful for that.  I have heard people tell me how stupid I am. I was a good person. I didn't really do very much and, I tried to just live my life and, it never occured to me that anything like this could happen. 

It mak a perfect sense now though. Crystal clear. Thank you for trying to help me. I am told my transformation is complete. Tracy and, John said they felt it would be more realistic if they didn't tell me anything and, I am still trying to catch up. Thank you for being patient with me.