I Can't Really Take Anymore

I am sick of being asked "how are you confused?" The list is endless but, it never makes a difference to some of the people I hear.

It's not really a big deal anymore. I am aware that I am not going to be able to believe things I hear. That may be how life is for the rest of my life. 

My heart to isn't able to deal with the pain. My brain never can rest, relax or, fully process anything.

I am shamed for caring about people that apparently hurt me or, my childen. I am also shamed for not being able to remember the things they supposedly did to me. 

Anything or, anyone good I believe I will be torn apart. Told how they secretly hate me or, how they want to continue to do different things to me or, how they only want to use me. It is difficult at times to remain positive about things. It would have been much easier than have been able to meet some of them. Especially, people I believed cared. 

I get told how they moved on over and, over or, how I only get to hear someone's name after they stop giving a shit about me. 

Over the years I have learned some they nys and, somethings remain a mystery. It hurts beyond words to be told how much someone cares and, the second I startgo believe, they hate me or, moved on. 

I know something isn't right. Why I try to be nice and, understanding, accepting of who or, what people are and, then told how terrible I am. I don't really understand how I am such a bad person.

I don't really knew w what to do anymore. The pain has become more than a can handle. I am sick of never knowing what to believe. Sick one minute it's left, the next it's right. Told how I hurt myself!