Why Don't You Cry, You Crybaby Bitch

What the fuck? This is some really stupid bullshit. I am not certain what these people do when they come up with their ideas on how to treat me or, anyone else but, they don't sound like they understood common sense!

Somehow, because I defended someone  who is 19, I am now a child molester by more people! Then, I get told that I slept with this person "in purpose!" Which, I did not and, would not. However, I have spoken to this person, as far as I can tell, often and, I believed they were kind, thoughtful, someone who has a genuine heart. To be made fun of for that and, to hear someone say to them that if they helped save my life, they would be pissed! Sucks.

I am just supposed to stay down with the garbage where I belong.

I get told that my compliments cause someone pain! Ok, well that is not what a compliment should do. I guess I will stop doing that.

They blame me for so many things it is fucked up. If I say one word they find offensive or, hurtful in any way, they punish me, tell me to kill myself, tell me what an embarrassment I am. Do they notice how badly they have hurt and, humiliated me and, others? Nope. It's all about how I respond. They are in no way, shape or, form responsible for setting someone off. It's all on me. After all, it's a good thing to tell someone to kill themselves every day!

Living with constant threats, humiliation, fear, disrespect while being blamed and, losing people (even though most of them I have never met in person) it is a serious issue. Good thing nobody is doing anything to cause someone so much pain! They are completely blameless for their actions. They "had to" do this to me and, most of the time they tell me they haven't tortured me at all.

I don't want to fight for my life anymore. It clearly isn't worth fighting for! Even my own mother tells me to kill myself! What would be the point of fighting for a life that is no longer worth living? A life where you are this unwanted is sad. 

I am not allowed to make friends or, talk to people because, I am married. I am not allowed to talk to John or, be around him. They steal my mail so trying to get the information to get my ID to get a divorce is pointless. I am to sit here mute and, without thinking!

They break in and, poison the food, urinate in the body wash and, shampoo, tell me they are going to steal my dog and, all kinds of things. I have learned that I have no value, no matter what I do it is going to be wrong. 

I have no clue who, if anyone is someone that I can count on for help. There are several reasons for that but, none more than, I am simply worthless. A drug addict that most people want nothing to do with. When I die, what was lost? 

"If I liked you/wanted you, I would be there with you!" Since I haven't met most of these people in person, I won't hold my breath.

The most disgusting part of all, they think this is funny. They are terrorizing another human being to the point of death and, they think it's funny.

I have come to the point where I know that nobody will ever choose me. Nobody will ever be faithful to me if they do choose me. I am simply a jokem one minute they tell me how much they care, then next it's fuck that fat bitch. Then, I have to sit here and l, listen to "NO, HE DID!" over and, over. If he did then, why tell me that if hencared, he would be here? Seriously, mixed signals or, what?!

It's funny though, for sure. After over five years, they bring out more people! So, clearly they are not trying to make this stop and, why should they? I am a drug addict! I don't care about Sophia's gaslighting party! In fact, I don't care about much anymoree. If I do, they will just use it to hurt me so, why bother.

I try and, get beat down every single day. At least an abusive relationship has times of peace. Not with these people. All abuse, all the time. I er five years is enough. I am avoided, isolated, blamed for everything they have done

 Left with no memories that bring any kind of happiness. Tormented n grown ass adults who find it FUNNY to abuse someone and, tell them to kill themselves. Asked all the time if I care about my children because they are doing the same things to them as punishment for my insubordination. 

I am tired. I am so depressed I can't function. I get asked "how do you think I felt?" All the God damn time and, I am at the point where I am just ready for this to end. One way or another, just the end.

I don't have much left to live for. Just my children. There is no longer hope that this will end and, I will be able to get therapy and, find happiness. No chance of me having any kind of successful or, anything close to it life. Just tormented and, beaten down until I am so completely aware that there is nothing about me that in any way resembles a human being and, left with the knowledge that the lives of people that I once cared about would be better if I was dead. My children's lives and, pretty much everyone else's lives, all better if I am not longer here.

I did nothing to any of these people but, that makes no difference. I lost the people I have grown to care about, if I ever had anyone in the first place. It's not like anyone is around me. I spend the majority of my time alone, being punished for things that I either didn't do or, were a reaction to being tortured. Everything is constantly blamed on me and, I just want my kids to be able to be happy and, safe. That isn't going to happen while I am alive.