The Cruelest Thing By Far

I am not going to write anymore after this post. If this is happening to you, I wish you nothing by but, luck. I hope your story ends differently than mine is.

To not remember large chunks of time is beyond frustrating, frightening and, at times incredibly disorienting. This is what I am going to have to deal with.

To be lied to about events that have happened and, people who may or, may not have done those things to you, it is sick. Almost as sick as being told things that happened to you when you have zero support other than other voices. Not being able to talk to anyone who can clear up the fog is hurtful. So many people know the truth. They say I have been told the truth too.

John called me a whore for so long. Told me how I love to suck brown dick and, all kinds of other derogatory things. For almost three years, not once was a name ever said. Now, I am being told that someone I love is the one who did all the things that I was told someone else did. That someone else, says the person that I love, is one of the people that hurt me so badly. It makes no sense to me. I feel like no matter what I do, it is going to end up causing problems. I can't really handle this anymore. I am hurt that they would use my memory loss against me the way they have.

Now that I was just dumped by the man I love, I am not sure what to do or, how to feel.

After this, I doubt I will be able to make any decision without fear and, second guessing myself.

The worst part is, I know now, without a doubt, I was ll never be able to raise my own children. Gone is the woman who raised them. I am a stranger, even to myself.