Sad

I am beginning to understand, I am never going to be able to get these people to do the right thing. They will never tell the truth, about me and, about others. I am always going to need help. More than likely a severe amount of help.

The way this has and, continues to be done, I am not quite sure Inam ever going to be able to get the help I need. 

At this point, to me, after all this time, I am finding it very difficult to believe. I am uncertain what it, who I can believe has my back and, wants the best for me. It is obvious that nobody is ever going to openly talk to me about any of this. I will always be left guessing if what or, who I hear is real. I have to question every name they use, every word they say, if someone is my friend or, someone who wants me to die. 

How do I sound paranoid? After everything that I know has happened, everything they have said has happened and, the ways they have set me up so badly that there was no way to come out of this in a way that made me appear to be a good person.  I am supposed to look like a giant turd and, I do. 

I get told that people are just "playing along!" They say they are just doing what I did in the beginning. What the fuck does that mean? How have I ever "played along?" These people are domestic terrorists and, they are breaking me down badly. Each time I start to gain a little confidence, it is ripped away, quickly.

I don't even know why I am bothering to write this. They will just accuse me of filming my blog full of lies and, I don't even know if anyone reads it for any other reason than to find more things ti be pissed off at me about.

What's the point?