MY CHILDREN

LISTEN TO ME VERY FUCKING CLOSELY. 

I DO NOT HEAR MY CHILDREN. IT IS VERY RARE THAT I AM ALLOWED TO. USUALLY INLY WHEN THEY EITHER

 WANT PEOPLE TO BELIEVE I AM A FUCKING LIAR OR, A RANDOM REASON THAT I RO NOT UNDERSTAND.

TELLING ME TO LISTEN YI MY FUCKING CHILDREN WHEN I CANT FUCKING HEAR THEM IS STARTING TO PISS ME OFF.

I AM ATTACKED BY PEOPLE I CARED ABOUT. PEOPLE I TRUSTED. PEOPLE I DEFENDED. I DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING IN, INLY THAT THESE PEOPLE WHO ONCE SEEMED SO ONE WAY, ARE NOW VERY DIFFERENT. 

WITHOUT BEING ABLE TO UNDERSTAND WHO I AM TALKING TO OR, WHY SO MANY OEOPLE I CARE SO MUCH ABOUT HATE KE NOW, I AM LEARNING NOT GIVE A GUCK ABOUT ANYONE. I AM GOING TI END UP DYING WITHOUT PEOPLE HELPING ME KNOW WHO IS TALKING OR WHY SO MANY PEOPLE WHO ONCE CARED NOW HATE ME. 

I AM SO FUCKING HURT 

THEY BLAME MY CHILDREN. THEY TELL ME I DINT FOCUS ON THE ENOUGH. IF I MAKE A FRIEND OR, LOVE SOMEONE OR, ANYTHING THAT EVEN SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE IS IN MY SIDE, THEN I AM NOT FOCUSED IN MY CHILDREN!

I AM NOT ALLOWED A NORMAL GOD DAMN LIFE AND, I AM SICK OF IT ALL.

I CONTACTED MY CHILDREN A LOT MORE WHEN THEY DIDNT USE THEM TO HURT ME THE WAY THEY HAVE IN THE LAST FEW YEARS. 

EVERY SINGLE THING I HAVE EVER SAID OR, DONE IS NOW BEING USED AGAINST ME AS WELL. THEY ARE FOING EVERYTHING THEY CAN TO MAKE ME SEEM LIKE A LIAR AND, THE PROBLEM. IT IS AT THE POUNT WHERE I AM AFRAID TO EAT. I DONT EANT TI BE ACCUSED OF EATING MORE THAN MY BROTHER BECAUSE, JOHN AND, I COULD BARELY KEEP YP WITH THE FIID BEING CONSUMED. I SAID SOMETHING TO MY MOTHER AND, BOW IT IS ALL COMING BACK. 

NOT ONLY HAVE THEY POUSONED THE FOOD AND, IT WAS VERY OBVIOUS I WAS THE ONLY INLY ONE THAT DIDN'T KNOW. I MADE EASTER DINNER AND, MADE THINGS WITH MAYO AND, NIBIDY ELSE BUT, ME AT THISR THINGS. EVEN THE PLATE FIR MY BROTHER AND, THE LEFTOVERS WHICH HE IS USUALLY SI EAGER TO EAT, EVEN IF THE WERE JOHNS OR, MY LEFTOVERS, HE AVOIDED LIKE THE PLAUGE. SAME AS THE BIRTHDAY CAKE JOHN WAS SO PROUD TO TELL ME HE MADE FOR ME. THE ONE I WAS LATER TOLD HAD SHIT IN IT. MORE RECENTLY, I WAS TOLD IT HAD SHIT IN IT LIKE THE VALENTINES STRAWBERRIES SOMEONE FED ME DID! ONLY, NOBIDY HAS EVER FED ME OR, EVEN GIVEN ME STRAWBERRIES FOR VALENTINES DAY OR, ANY OTHER DAY! I DONT EVEN LIKE VALENTINES DAY! 

ALL KINDS OF THINGS KIKE THIS KEEP POPPING UP AND, WITHOUT ANYONE TO ASK OR, TURN TO FOR HELP, I AM FUCKED.

PEOPLE I HAVE DEFENDED, CARED ABOUT, ONE THAT I LOVE, THEY ALL HATE ME NOW AND, I DONT KNOW WHY. THEY SAY THINGS LIKE GO AHEAD AND BLAME KE. THINGS THAT MAKE NO SENSE AT ALL.

I CANT GET THEM TO STOP USING MY VOICE AND, I KNOW THAT THEY USE A LOT OF OTHER PEOPLES VOICES SO IT MAKES THINGS VERY CONFUSING, AT LEAST FOR ME.

They are sabatoging me so badly I don't have a chance in hell of surviving. One minute I get told that after a while people can tell when they are having their free will removed and, can avoid it. The next, I am a liar or, worse because I can tell someone is telling me to give up! 

Fuck this. Whatever happens happens but, leave me out of it. My life has been completely destroyed and, I am done trying to help people who I didn't believe removed my free will and, tortured me. Each time I try it only gets worse and, now I lost some people I care about so much that I am not sure how to believe that this will ever stop with me alive. I trusted them and, cared for them a lot.

STOP DOING DRUGS!!! YET, PEOPLE REFUSE TO STOP TORTURING ME AND, I AM WELL AWARE THAT I WAS DRUGGED NOT ONLY HERE IN RENO BUT, ALSO, IN CARSON. NOT DRUGS I CHOSE TO USE BUT, DRUGS THEY GAVE ME UNKNOWN TO ME. I AM NOT CERTAIN IF EVERYONE IS AWARE OF HOW MUCH THEY BRAGGED ABOUT USING MIND CONTROL TACTICS ON ME ESPECIALLY, IN THE BEGINNING. 

NOW, I GET TOLD TO STOP USING WHILE, AT THE SAME TIME I HAVE LUTTLE TO NO SUPPORT, NOBIDY WILL TALK TO ME ABOJT ANY OF THIS AND, MOST PEOPLE HAVE ALREADY ABANDONDED ME. I AM MISSING HUGE CHUNKS OF TIME AND, I AM TOLD VICIOUS, HORRIBLE THINGS THAT WERE DONE TO ME DURING THAT TIME. NOW, OF COURSE, I HAVE TO LISTEN TO PEOPLE SAY "WHEN WERE YOU RAPED?!" WHEN THEY ARE THE PEOPLE THAT  TOLD ME ABOUT IT AND, CONVINCED ME IT HAPPENED AND, NOW THEY ARE ACCUSING ME OF DOING VICIOUS AND, HORRIBLE THINGS DURING THAT TIME PERIOD! 

DOES ANYONE CARE THAT I AM NOT GOING TO SURVIVE THIS KIND OF FULL ON ATTACK? WHY WONT ANYONE JUST TALK TO ME? I HAVENT DONE ANYTHING! I AM THEIR VICTIM! THEY HAVE GONE SO FAR AS TO TELL ME THAT WHEN THEY ARTACKED ME THEY HAD CHILDREN URINATE IN ME AND, RAPE ME. NOW, THEY ARE SAYING THISR SAME CHILDREN HAVE GIVEN SWORN STATEMENTS SAYING I MOLESTED THEM! THIS IS NEVER GOING TO STOP AND, I AM INNOCENT!

THE THINGS THAT HAVE CHANGED FROM THE BEGINNING TO NOW ARE ASTOUNDING. ONE OF THE BIGGEST ONES IS, ANGELA ACCUSED JOHN OF MOLESTING A CHILD. I DEFENDED HIM. I LATER WAS TOLD THIS GROUP WAS TO GO AFTER CHILD MOLESTERS THAT GOT AWAY WITH IT! SUDDENLY, THEY ARE SAYING THAT THIS GROUP IS FULL OF CHILD MOLESTERS! ALSO, THIS GROUP THAT I WAS TOLD DIDN'T EVER WANT ME TO BE A PART OF IT, IS SUDDENLY MY GROUP! EHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? 

THIS IS NOT MY GROUP, SOMETHING I ALREADY SPOKE UP ABOUT WHEN I WAS TOLD I WAS GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM ABOUT BEING RAPED! JUST LIKE I WAS TOLD THIS IS A "GASLIGHTING" AND, ANGELA HAS MADE IT VERY CLEAR SHE IS GOING INTO THE "GASLIGHTING HALL OF FAME!" FOR WHAT SHE HAS DONE TO ME AND, SO MANY OTHERS! 

I DO NOT GIVE A FUCK HOW MANY PEOPLE DEFEND ANGELA, I KNOW SHE DID THIS TO ME AND, MANY OTHERS AND, HAS FOR A VERY, VERY LONG TIME. WHY WON'T ANYONE TALK TO ME ABOUT THIS IN PERSON? WHY WON'T ANYONE BELIEVE THAT THIS IS ALL KINDS OF IF WRONG AND, I AM A GOOD, KIND PERSON. OEOPLE SHOULD BE ABLE TO BE AROUND ME WITHOUT BEING HARASSED OR, HURT.