Lies, Lies and, More Lies

I have had more than enough of their fucking lies. There is nothing that will ever make any of this right but, what they have done to my children and, the way they are using them to hurt me is hurting them. I have had more than enough!

In December 2024, someone accused both Kids hn and, me of molesting my child when she was left here with us. Someone else spoke up and, said they were watching us the entire time and, nothing like that happened. 

After it was confirmed that I can not remember large periods of time, including what I am told is pretty much the entire month if August 2021, a shit ton of accusations have now come out. Against mostly me but, also a few other people. Only AFTER someone said they had "tested me every way possible and, I don't remember anything!" Now, life is getting even worse and, they continue to, they say show, whatever they are accusing me of. I have never, not once, been allowed to see anything they have ever shown about me and, I have looked online in as many places as I can find. They have said they block things in the providers side from me so, I am not sure I will ever find anything.

My heart is as broken as it can get. Not just for my children who continue to suffer because, I am their mother and, that is exactly what U get told. Even from my own mother's voice "your children suffer because, they have a mother like you!" I genuinely love someone and, I am so sick of everything. I am tired of hearing how I use him. Sick if hearing how he didn't live me. How their is an age difference. They know just as much as I do that he did love. Not only did he convince me but, he convinced others as well. Now, I have to sit here and l, listen to people tell me that he didn't. Every single time someone cares about me or, says anything that defends me, they change their mind. Sometimes immediately, sometimes it takes a few days but, it happens every time. There is only so much one person can handle and, I am one person. 

I am trying desperately to hold onto my sanity and, I am failing l.

I hear my mom crying saying she wishes I didn't get my shoes from the side of the road! What the fuck! 

There are all kinds of things like that. I am not sure I ever hear what is actually being said. 

I have few friends and, I am trying to I do my best so that maybe people who are spying on me will eventually see that I am not the piece of shit they keep saying I am. When I do better though, their attack becomes worse. No matter what I do, if it makes me appear like a human being who can actually handle life, they will beat me down so badly that I can barely function!

I get told constantly that the last friends I have are not my friends at all. No matter how much I try to explain our friendship, it gets twisted and, everything ends up sounding worse.

They constantly pepper me with questions and, it is very clear there is nothing good about me. Lately they have been asking me when the last time I have done something right was? NEVER. According to these people I have never done anything right. Everything I do is either the wrong thing or, the wrong way.

People hate me and, I don't know why. By hate I mean, seriously, destructively hate me. They use all of these lies to justify attacking me when , I am not the person they think I a

"Go ahead and, blame Angela!" Over and, over. She is the one that started doing this to me. The one that I could hear. The one that wanted everyone else to use her name and, she says wanted to pretend to be her!  Now, she is being so thourally insulated and, defended that a lot of other people are going to be in trouble because, they are going to be set up for doing things that they may not have actually done. Removing someone's free will is a hell of a lot different than picking in someone.

The longer this goes in, the more people that get involved, the more problems there are going to be. Unfortunately for me, once they have been caught doing this, they end up hating me. I keep being told that if I don't die, they won't get away with all of this! I feel like dying, a lot. More and, more people keep hanging up on me and, I am never going to be perfect. I can only be me and, I have been told from the beginning that it isn't ok to be me. Angela was so jealous that people "thought about me more" than they thought about her. She was very clear that she could be happy until I was dead! 

Now, for whatever reason, everyone is starting to feel the same way! I HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHING. THEIR CONSTANT LIES AND, BULLSHIT ARE KILLING ME. 

They say "they wish I didn't use!" No shit, I wish I didn't too. It isn't my life goal to be a fucking drug addict. No matter how hard I try, I have little to no support and, almost constant negativity. This is what I appreciate the friends I have even more. They have been able to remind me of the brighter side of things. Of course, as always, if I don't spell out every single reason for everything, then I am hiding things from these people and, they start calling me a psychopath! If I cry and, I don't have a face full of tears, psychopath. 

Things are getting worse every day. I get lied to about who people are so badly that, after last night and, this morning I have given up on believing that anyone is who they say or, that I am told they are. Since people have decided they do not want to talk to me about any of this, in person, openly and, honestly, I no longer give a fuck. I am done even trying to understand who people are. If they are on my side or, they want me to die. Either way it makes no difference to me now. I am so sick of being lied ti about who people are that I am having a difficult time even giving a shit about any of them. After hearing how this person is that person or, how this person hates you when, I could have swore it was a completely different. Way, I just cant care anymore. I AM ONE PERSON, I CAN ONLY HANDLE SO MUCH!

I feel so abandoned and, hurt by all of this that at any moment I am ready to just give up. They act like they haven't hurt me all that bad. I hear how they "didn't torture me all that bad!" All the fucking time. People are always mad at me and, I never know what the fuck is going on! People are always mad at me for wrecking this plan or, that plan but, I never fucking know an plan. 

Now people are mad because I blame Angela and, not Andrea. Angela used to be so angry at me because she couldn't get John away from me. She said he loved me too much. She said if she could get him to go to Andrea though, she could get him away from her because, she was definitely a better woman than Andrea. It is sick. The problem is, I heard Andreas voice a lot, especially in the beginning and, I asked her but, like everyone else, she said she didn't have a clue. Now, all these people have lied to me about all of this and, that is exactly what they knew would happen. It has made it easy for them to say and, do whatever they want and, in the end my kids and, a lot of other people are suffering.

I have been listening to this for five and, a half years now. People who have admitted to being able to hear this, I have gone back to for help but, they never know what I am talking about! I have "lost" so many people and, I get blamed for so many things that I no longer believe that anyone is on my side. If they are, I almost alway hear them reacting to something that makes them hate me. Only, I haven't done anything. Because of the missing time and, they say they continue to do things that I have no memory of, I feel lost. There isn't anyone I can talk to about any of this because, nobody knows anything. 

I am not going to be able to understand anything. Last night there was someone who acted like they cared and, I believed it for a minute. I made them a promise because, I felt that I would be strong enough, foolishly believing that perhaps someone still saw me as a person and, knew that they have been spreading vicious lies about me. This morning, it was suddenly a different person so, fuck this. Nobody is ever the same person for long and, without knowing how to do this I am fucked l. Tracy was adamant that I would learn how to do this before it was all over only, I will not learn how to do this. PERIOD I do not want to explain again why I have zero interest in learning this and, I would imagine eventually, I will become so confused by all the lies and, hated by so many people because, they want to get away with everything they have done, that I will die. 

I am not doing this to anyone and, I never have. I do not know how to do this.  STOO USING NY VOICE AND, ANT LIKENESS IF ME OR, MY CHILDREN IMMEDIATELY. PLEASE. YOU ARE KILLING US!