I Need To Explain Something

The way that I have been blamed for so much of the things that have been done. Almost all of the fights between John and, I, I felt as though I had to apologize for. He swore he didn't know what was going on. "I believe you think it's real!" Ok, well thanks for telling me.

He would tell me that I needed to get in medication and, the voices would go away. He told me so many times this is all in my head. Maybe if I just tried harder to "maintain" this would stop.  

They still blame me for everything and, it is very clear that things are only getting worse. I am apparently nothing more than a fucking joke, it must be difficult to believe that I might actually be someone that has value. People might actually like me. Each time I have the tiniest but if hope that someone still sees me as a person and, might actually understand just how badly they have abused me, it becomes clear that it is some kind of game.

They have abused me so God damn badly that it is obvious I am HURT. How the fuck can someone hurt me and, then act like they know me so well?! Of course you are manipulating me emotions so you appear to be right all the fucking time! I can't take this bullshit anymore. I am so fucking sick of being manipulated that I give up.

Keep manipulating my emotions and, telling me to kill myself all the fucking time. Keep telling your bullshit and, lies. I am not a person so how could it matter? 

I can't understand, they are terrorists. All they do is hurt people. Make demands and, punish you if you do not bow down to them. FUCK THEM! THEY ONLY HURT ME SO SI WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I DO EVERYTHING THEY WANT. THEY HURT MY KIDS TOO. WHEN THEY DONT GET WHAT THEY WANT THET HURT SOMEONE YOU CARE ABOUT. THREATS, LIES AND, MANIPULATION.

From what I can hear, nobody gets the benefit of the doubt. They just make their judgement and, shove it down your throat. 

In the plus side, they have proven that I am the most unliked and, unwanted person in the planet! I can't seem to do the right thing and, even though they admit to the ways they have been hurting people, it only matters that they appear to be right and, I appear to be the problem. As long as everyone stays away from me and, they can continue hurting as many people as possible, they are happy.

So then, that's what it is. If I do what they want, they will stop what they are doing. Yeah, right. 

I am not responsible for the things they are doing. They are hurting people and, there is nothing anyone can do except try to stand up and, live the best way you can.

I am sorry I am a drug addict. I am trying. There are problems and, I am clearly everything they say I am. I mean, why would people want to manipulate the way that someone is seen? Why would someone hurt someone else just to make people believe that they are right and, others are wrong? You aren't always right! Why pretend you don't make mistakes? If course, it's because if something I did! Ooooookkkkkkkkk! 

I am sorry that people see me the way they do. There are things we all can improve on. I can't express how demoralizing and, depressing it is to beg for help and, get lied to by so many people, for people to lie about me, to be told to kill myself all the time, told how it isn't just my face that is a problem. Every day. Every single day and,for whatever reason, they believe this is a good thing. I can't take it anymore. I just can't live this way. I am sorry.

I am HURT. I don't understand why people hate me and, treat me like this. I am not doing very well and, I needed help. Instead, I get manipulated and, torn down. I am not going to try anymore. I can't get anyone to talk to me, they tell me it's because I am a drug addict and, disgusting. John and, akiy if others have finally gotten the only thing they asked for from day one. This isn't living anyways.