I Need Her To Die

Everyone goes back to normal if I die( I am hoping that is true.

I am so hurt, so tired of hearing people blame me, hate me, walk away from me. That part is stupid because, I don't know the smallest thing about the people inhea that no longer hold out hope that anything I hear from anyone but, the people torturing me is real. I'm sorry, I know it is difficult to understand, it's just how things have become

Too many people hate me. I have so few people in my life and, I keep being told that everyone hates me, everyone is walking out of my life and, I don't know it, understand the things that are happenin o

I keep being asked, do you want him or, me? There areall kinds of things that keep being said to m, sounded into my head and, I don't understand. I am told that some of these people care about me and,c things like that but, I am being murdere and, I can't get anyone to talk to me so, I guess that tells me enough. 

Apparently, I "fucked up" I don't know what I did though

 I am so completely devastated and, there is nothing I can do.

I am sorry that no matter how many times I say, I only can be friends, nobody seems to get it. I don't have a clue what the fuck is being said but, I can almost guarantee that nobody said that they are so mad that they are going to come take the shit out of me, which is exactlynwhat I heard!

There is nothing that makes any of this something that is a good thing. I truly have no idea what is real. Based on what I hear which, is the only thing I can base anything on, I am fucked. I wish I could have done better. I just can't handle anymore. I don't even know if the people I hear can hear me or, if they just hear some bastardized version if what I say.

As far as I can tell, nobody will ever  vecme again, like that's an issue at the moment. Nobody will ever want to sleep with me again! Ok, again, not something I sit here and, think abou and, everyone hates me and, keeps telling me to kill myselqf! I am sorry. 

I get told that,x this is my fault for "buying into the bullshit!" It's just so depressing and, to hear that they will leave everyone alone and, people can be happy again if I die, that works for me!

I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. I DONT SAY ANYTHING. I BARELY FUCKING THINK ANYMORE THE ABUSE JS SO BAD, I AM HATED TOLD HIW MY HEAD WILL EXPLODE WHEN I FIND OUT...

usually followed by who I lost or, things like that! I am too hurt and, tired to keep teying. I'm not bad good mom for whatever reason and, I am so sick of being out down and, hurt that I give up. To me it has been devastating, to them, it's fucking funny. I am sorry that people didn't talk to me in person. That would be the only way for people to know that I am not the enemy. U AM not saying most if the things they say I do. I didn't hurt any kids. I didn't do anything, I didn't have to die!

I am done

 I will not continue to try to survive in a world that is so filled with lies and, bullshit that I can't stand it. Before I even open my fucking eyes, I am being insulted and, hurt and, I am sick and, tired of begging for help. Everyone hates me and blames me anyways.

I am sorry that people believe Inam a terrible thing. Not a y anymore, just a thing. So completely lied to that I do not have a clue what to believe anymore

 There is no way to survive

 No way to untangle the web of lies and deciet. I can't stand this anymore

 I can let understand why I wasn't allowing wednti be friends with people without the drama and, games played with my head

 I can't stand to be forced to hear this and, I can't stand to be around people anymore. I am too afraid. No matter where ingi, if someone is around me I have to listen to them be asked questions about me. I feel so humiliated that I have no life leftm