I Don't Know How Stupid People Can Be, BUT I'M LEARNING!

I am so sick of hearing these people like this. They don't say very much that is helpful and, while I appreciate the concern for my child, only one though, not both, it has become so obsessive that I feel like I am going insane! 😭 Indefinitely donjit want some of them around my children! 

It's one thing if you have a genuine concern. If you are trying to help me understand that this time that I am missing is precious. It can't be made up later. It's another thing when you are doing it because you want attention. They especially want male attention. It is strangenti hear "nobody wants to sleep with you" constantly. I don't really know how to respond to that comment. I guess thank you? Seriously, how does that matter and, why do you need to tell me this way?!

I am tired of hearing how these men loved men sooooo much! Seriously, it is a nice thought but, they have hurt me so badly, how is that love? Why would you hurt someone you live so badly all they want is to die?! I have never been so depressed in my entire life.

To listen to them say something as stupid and, disgusting as "just like you did to" I am going to guess they followed it up with John Butterfield. 

They did this to my children too. I have lost the respect of both of my children. No surprise there. I guess now I know why they not only did this to my children but, FORCED THEM TO WATCH THEIR MOTHER BE TORTURED.

My heart is broken.  Have lost the will to even try. I'm not nice anymore. I don't feel like myself. I am so hurt that these people would rather pretend that they didn't help torture me and, that there was something I could have done to make this stop. They would rather pretend they gave a shit about me or, my children but, they don't ever want to be around me in person! I can't handle the way they treat me anymore.

I don't even like most of them anymore. I did. I cared a lot about them and, all that happened is I got shit in. I got hurt over and, over and, over. T-O-R-T-U-R-E-D 

Anything and, everything they could do to hurt me. Now, I just don't care anymore. They weren't concerned when my personality started changing. They just blame drugs! Who cares about the fact that they have hurt me? No, that's not their fault, that's my fault too. Apparently, I did this to myself! Fuck this!

How exactly did I do this to myself? How is it my fault that these people planned on doing this for years? Long before I had kids, they have had their plan! 

The respect that I had for most of them is long gone! Long, long gone. How can you respect someoe who hurts you like this? "I didn't deserve my kids!" Oh, ok. I didn't know that was up to you to decide. 

I am done trying. I am sick of being torn down and, then expected to care. "Do you care about your daughter?!" Yeah, I do. I care about my son too.

"Why am I here?" Good question! I wish I knew. I wish I knew who you were too! There are a LOT of things I wish I knew! 

I am sorry that people decidednsocmany things about my life. I can only take so much. I am at the limit. You shouldn't torture people to death. It didn't matter though. They tortured plenty of people to death before me and, they will continue to do this after me. The "joke is on me though!"

I am sorry that I am so hated. Sorry that for whatever reason they don't feel that they have tortured me. Sorry that I am no longer me. That is what hurts so badly, I no longer feel like myself. 

I am sick of hearing them admit that they have been trying to kill me for years. Tired of being told I am going to jail. Tired of being set up. Tired of being miserable. Tired of missing my kids, begging for help, begging for people to talk to me in person, tired of not knowing what is real. I barely get to know who I am talking to most of the time. Tired of people using their children to hurt me and, try to shame me! This whole thing is so sick that I don't understand how they get away with it.

They killed people I knew. People that were in my life and, they did it to get more people to hate me and, blame me. It is my fault they hurt and, killed people and, I didn't do anything! 

Shame. That is what I feel almost all of the time. I am ashamed to be alive. Ashamed that people can see me. Ashamed of everything about myself. There is nothing good about me, they have completely convinced me of that. Everyday, 24/and, non stop insults, threats, belittlement. I used to be happy. I used to love the person I was and, I looked forward to not only becoming a better me but, building a future for me and, my children. Then, I married John, it angered Angela and, they planned to kill me. I didn't think it would work but, it did. It worked perfectly!

I am sorry that I had to be out in my place. I guess my place is feeling so low it hurts to breathe. My place is so lied to I can't trust anyone. In person people lie to me about this. These people tell me the truth, I think. Then, everything else they tell me automatically feels like the truth and, there is nothing I can do. She, fuck it 

I am not worth anything anyways so, keep up the good work. Their stupidity, jealousy and, mental illness finally did what they wanted to ti.