I Am done Trying

I hope everyone enjoys their mother fucking party. I didn't do a God damn thing to anyone and, I have never blamed my children. How could I gis be their fault? What could they have done?

I am sorry that I survived this fucking long! I am so hurt that my own mother didn't believe me. So many people could have helped me but, instead they choose to tell me what a terrible mother I am. I can't do anything good enough to make anyone happy. I am sorry for being such a pathetic cunt. I can't take this anymore. Anything good I say about my kids or, about being a mom is always credited to someone else. My kids don't even know the nice things I always say about them.

Now I find out that I amjust that bitch on the Internet that everyone hates. Why did my mom lie to me so fucking much. I asked her so many times and, she wouldn't tell me anything. I have no support and, everyone hates me. I do not say anything even remotely close to negative about my children but, nobody believes me. 

I am giving up. It has become so depressing to hear how people used to care. So, people could have helped but, I wasn't worth it. I can't get help. I don't know where to begin and, I don't know what to do.

They just won't stop attacking me and, I hate myself so much for everything I am. I can't even take care of myself anymore. No matter what I do it will be wrong. My best isn't good enough. I can barely drag myself out of bed and, I am tired of hearing that my brother drugs me and, rapes me and, let's people into the apartment to rape me.

I didn't put myself on the Internet and, I tried to survive but, it isn't worth it anymore. When I think about going to the hospital and, telling them that I think my brother and, husband have been drugging me and, raping me, they just make my life even worse.

Everything is always my fault. My parents hate me but, they bought my brother a scooter "for doing the right thing?" Then he and, John sabatoge me there too. I hate being alive. Nothing about me should be alive. They tell me they will stop hurting people and, killing people, including my children if I die. It can all be swept under the rug. It all goes away. I'm not a person anymore and, I was the worst mom in the world, why should I want to live? 

Everyone hates me so fucking much anyways. It's all u gear all day and all night.. I only embarrass my kids and, my family. A humiliation that has to die. It's the only thing I can eo. They use my voice to call my kids names and, I am done taking the blame 

My kids are not stupid. I do not call them stupid. I just can't take anymore. I'm sorry I am so hated 

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