How Can You Even Stand To Look In The Mirror?

I guess I am just that disgustingly ugly! I don't really know what to say or, think.

I was looking forward to spending time with a friend. He is usually so upbeat and, able to see the silver lining and, I always have a good time when I am with them. I feel so insecure and, most of the people I hear hate me so much that I feel incredibly uncomfortable in my own skin lately

I never thought I was beautiful or, anything like that but, I have never had people make me feel like I am a troll before either. It is humiliating. I always thought of people as equals. One person may be better at something than another but, we all have strong points and, we are all equal. We are all human

 Now though, I don't feel like a person anymore. I am some kind of game.

T

It is frustrating to be made fun of for being fat especially, when I hear them so happy about how "telling me to eat all the time is working!" Lucky me. I can only imagine what else they are telling me.

America is the land of the free. For people anyways. For me, it is do what you are told, no questions, no choices, no freedoms. Jus do what you are told and, be happy that you are still alive. Be happy you are allowed to breathe! This whole thing sucis. 

What they are doing is so illegal and, I am afraid that all of the things they have done to others to get what they want isn't going to be able to be reversed. Maybe I should have done what they demanded a long time ago. Maybe they would have left everyone else alone. Now, I am afraid even more that I am going to be murdered. People are going to get fed up with their lives ones no longer behaving like themselves and, I keep being blamed for everything that is happening. I haven't done anything though. I am the excuse they use, nothing more. Killing me won't stop the problems, I am not the problem. I am just who they blame so that people don't take a serious look at the things they are doing.

My heart can't handle anymore pain and, drama. There is no doubt about that. Everything is so fucked up and, I don't know what to do. How do you get people to understand that no matter what I do, they are going to find reasons to blame me. Once, not all that long ago when I was talking to John about getting off drugs, all they started saying what that I am too fat and, I needed to stay on drugs.

"Take your shoes off Jennifer. You aren't going to be anything to anyone!" What the fuck is going on? I can't fight anymore. My life is more than likely never going to be what it could have been. I can still have a future, it just will be a different future than what I had envisioned. All I can do at this point is keep trying to fight off the depression and, loneliness and, hope for the best.