Why?

I can't even understand people anymore. Something has shifted in the world and, logic didn't fucking shift with them!

I have done my best and, done everything I can to help people who are being hurt. In part because I loved some of them and, I cared about people in general and, on part because I had hoped that in the process of narrowing down the field of people being hurt, these kids could have been helped. Not just mine but, all of them. These people admitted a long time ago that they are using fear based torture to "build an army!"

Fear based torture. These people will tell your child to do something they know they shouldn't. When you scold your child for doing whatever it was, they tell them that they wouldn't have punished them. That they would let them so or, have whatever they wanted and, that you are mean for punishing them! Over time, they will only listen to the voice of no punishmeht. The voice that lets them do anything. For abwhile Angela Tracjveski said that it was Tracy doing that. Now, they say that I don't punish kids and, it is me doing that! Stupid. I don't like to spank my kids but, they do get in trouble and, they have to pay the price for it. Hie can these people accuse me of beating my children and, of not punishing them at all? 

I know they started with some kids my youngest brothers age. They were a little too old though. They had learnedbtheir parents and, other care givers were not against them. My son is 16 and, they said they have done that to him his whole life! My daughter they have also done this to her whole life, nine years! Maybe it works, maybe it doesn't, I, along with others, have watched my daughter especially, her personality change. Sometimes the change is so rapid that it is mind blowing. Like always though, they can not be stopped.

I am slowly being poisoned while my own failmiky watches on and, lies to me about it all! Their reasoning is theirs and, I am not privy to it. Drugs are used as the primary reason and, I have already explained all of that.

I am sorry that drugs have prevented most people from wanting to be around me. I have done my best to remain upbeat and, hopeful but, nothing I did made a good difference. I feel so helpless and, hopeless and, I already know that they mess with the doctors so, going to the hospital is probably a waste of time. That, along with the fact that at this point, everyone has told me they hate me and, that I should kill myself. Life isn't a place with any happiness anymore.

What is the point of life without any happiness? I am sick if being hurt being lied to, mostly I am sick of tryingm people say they are on my side and, those same people too me apart from top to bottom.  Don't want to be hurt anymore. Life should have a chance at happiness. 

I am sorry that so many people gave up on me and, that I am so easy to rip apart. When I do the right things, I get ripped apart just as badly. Sometimes worse and now that they are poisoning the food and, drink in the apartment, what's the point?

I have turned them in, nobody has ever asked me any questions. Everywhere I turned them in, I guess didn't take my complaint seriously. The people I love, no longer love me and, I am sorry that things are this way. I am not 100% sure what I did but, as long as they can move forward and, find happiness, that is all I could ever want for people I love. 

I am devastated I won't be able to watch my children grow up. I have already missed so much. I know I get blamed for ending help but, there is nothing more I can do. This has nothing to do with drugs and, the fact that they are sabotaging me and, not too many people believe that sucks. I am sorry that this has happened. So very, very sorry that I couldn't do more. I just can't take anymore. I am one person, at some point I have to understand that I can't fight off a group of people who not only blame me for so much but, keep setting me up.  I am sorry.