Who Would Choose You?

Obviously nobody. There is no reason anyone has to choose me, I am fine without being in a relationship. Since there isn't anyone on this planet I can trust anymore, there is no issues. To find out just how many people have lied to me and, how much they have lied, I don't really want anyone near me or, in my life anyways.

There isn't a way to actually believe that anyone truly cares. They care about getting out of trouble. 

I am sick and, tired of being told so many horrific things about all of this. I am not able to trust anyone, I have no support and, I haven't had much support this whole time. I am sick of guessing if what I hear is true or, not. Sick of being called a liar because, I can't remember certain things. They seem like pretty big things, you would think I could remember.

It is crystal clear their goal is for me to die. They have caused enough pain, humiliation and, stress to kill pretty much anyone. I don't want to believe anything good anymore. I don't ever want to get my hopes up ever again.

I wish they would tell me what they think I should know instead of just saying "if you only knew!" I wish I knew too. Instead, nobody is "allowed" to be around me except for people who I am now told say I get money by being a whore. There isn't anyone else I can be around. It has been made clear that anyone I believed in, I can't anymore. 

I am told AGAIN, that my son is no longer my son. There is nothing that anyone could ever do to justify the things that have been done. If they believed I hurt my kids or, anyone else, they should have turned me in. Instead, they tortured me to the point that life isn't worth living.

I don't think I will ever be able to believe in myself again. The insults combined with the way I have been lied to and, how the things they have done have been swept under the rug, I have no way to believe in myself. 

How can people torture, kidnap, rape and, abuse someone the way they have me and, with so many people who obviously know and, get away with it? I can't understand when I stopped being a person and, became something that had to be exterminated. How they can blame me and, say that I am a liar when they have not only admitted so many things they have done is sick. To force someone to listen to the things that were done to them and, point out how they have no help and, nobody who truly cares while you make sure there is no way for me to get help, sick.

The fact I survived this long and, believed this long only proves how stupid I am.