Tracy Butterfield

My life is so fucked up. There is no way to recover from what she and, the people that helped her have done to too many lives.

I am sorry that things have come to this but, there is nothing and, nobody that is going to be able to make them stop. Since they continue to tell me how everything is my God damn fault and, even my own family blames me, I can't take anymore. They were able to torture people to death based solely on what they think someone has done.

Even worse, they have done this pretty much my whole life so, I have no way to get anyone to understand that my life was never my life anyways. They hate doing this to the police and, every other law official there is. With the fact that I do not remember a lot of time periods, periods where they tell me I wasntaped and, beaten, they possibly gave me a blood transfusion, I don't really know, they change their story all the time. I am learning quickly that, because I am not perfect but, Angela Tracjveski ran around saying I was, I am going to die.

It's ok though, my family blames me, allot of people seem to be blaming me. I know people are afraid. People are being hurt, threatened and, somehow everything is my fault. 

These people are terrorizing so many others and, it isn't going to end. I am not the only person that is going through all of this but, it has been made very clear that I am the problem. I don't know how to do this, I don't know how to make itnl stop and, I am going to die, sooner rather than later. 

"They saved their worst punishment for the one he married!" 

There is no longer any hope left in me. They terrorize my children and, even people I trusted and, loved have said that they never really believed me. They knew eventually things would be this way!

What part of I can't remember is difficult to understand? The things they tell me are humiliating, revolting, terrifying and, I am constantly afraid. They put things in my food and, drinks. More than once I have periods of time gone. I have been told that John drugged me a lot, so much so that it didn't have the same effect for a while! How in the fuck can someone drug another human being, so all of the things that they say they have done and, still look me in the face and, tell me they love me? John does that all the time. Tells me how I am supposed to be his happily ever after. Swears he has never, not once cheated on me but, tells me that I am a whore all the fucking time. They tell me I have had sex with all of these people but, I have not. I am not a whore and, I can't handle this anymore.

John, I am told, drugged me and, had sex with someone right next to me! They tell me I had a threesome but, I have not. There are a lot of things they say I have done that I did not do! Why won't my own family help me? They just tell me they don't know anything, like everyone else. 

I am sick and, tired of being threatened by these people. I can't take this anymore. They are literally domestic terrorists and, they have accused me of such vile things that, I can no longer survive. The length of time that they have done this to me has dictated that there is no way for me to survive. 

I AM NOT A CHILD ABUSER OR, CHILD MOLESTER. Yet, people are saying that I molested them when they were children. There is nothing I can do. I know it's a lie but, I am now aware how hated I am and, I have lost all hope. My life and, all of their bullshit and, drama.

Apparently, I am a stupid bitch. Oh, I guess that's what I am then. Fuck this. I can't take this anymore. I don't understand what the fuck is going on or, why the fuck they won't stop. They want me to die and, that is what they will get.

I am so God damn fucking sick of hearing my husband told me everything. What the fuck is he telling me? He told me he can't hear any of this. That he has never heard voices and, never known anyone who has heard voices. I have asked him about some of these people and, he says he has never heard of any of them. He says this "is his first rodeo!" 

John says a lot of things that are strange. Things he doesn't sound like are from him. Just like the memories he told me. All the things he told me about his past. None of them were his! Things are so insane that he tried to pass my own memories of as his own. While he was in prison I remember saying something about how he said the FBI visited him because, he hacked into their database. His mother backed that one up, all in her own she brought that up. Strange he couldn't change a hard drive then. The weird part is, someone else that I could hear was surprised that John said that. I didn't think too much about it. It was strange but, when I asked him about it again he got irritated and, said that he was covering for his dad. 

I thought, for a while, John's family playedcinline games with my brother. I think the woman that is always so shitty with me, the one they said injected my daughter with something plays online with him too. I have heard her. Forna while I thought there was someone who actually cared about me but, I am not sure what to believe now.

I thought before that they were using me as bait. They kept saying there was an investigation, I don't believe that for one second. Not once has anyone ever talked to me about any of this. They are voices in the air that I can not see. If I ask who I am talking to, they usually lie to me. 

They have TORTURED me for most of my fucking life. I am being blamed for doing things to people that I have never fucking done. I don't know how to do this. They have destroyed my fucking life. I can't understand any of this. I didn't do anything and, I can't take this anymore. My stress level is beyond through the roof. They refuse to fucking stop and, I can't take this anymore. They threaten to arrest me all the God damn time and, Tracy has already said that she will stop once I am locked anywhere. They have blamed me for so long that i am seriously afraid. I didn't do this to anyone and, I can't take anymore. I am so hurt that I have to give up.

I just can't take anymore. I am sorry that I am a drug addict. Tracy has already admitted to sabotaging my efforts to get clean. They tell people that I am a heroin addict and, when I try to quit they have poisoned me. More than once. I have heard John, in person say something to a fried of theirs about it. I have never done heroin. Ever. They keep saying that I have but, I swear to God that isn't true. I haven't done heroin. 

John said he became a heroin addict. That he tried it twice and, became hooked. He said he stole money from his job and, got caught. $800 is what he sent said, while he was working at Ace Hardware. He said that he was able to quit on his own and, after he quit his dad left Norco's out and, he stole a few of them. When his dad confronted him, he got into a fight with him. I didn't believe the heroin story and, they are saying now because I didn't believe him, they gave me heroin. I swear to God I can't take anymore.

I don't know how they have gotten away with torturing people. They have set me up so many times that I hate life. I can't stand how this has destroyed everything I believed in. I wish that I could see my kids again, just one more time but, there isn't going to be a way for that to happen. They literally TORTURED me and, there was nothing I could do but, die. 

I can't stand this anymore. They knew what they were going to do, every single thing they did, planned long before I met John. Right down to the people involved. Apparently, Tracy said she has been telling the truth, I doubt it but, I do know she has done this to so many people that it is unreal.

They make all kinds of accusations about me and, I have been told that they recorded my life. On these recordings, you can hear them but, I don't know. There is nothing more I can do. I love my children so much and, this has taken such a huge toll in me that I can't handle more. I just can't take this anymore. 

I did nothing and, all I get told us "I told you my mom was a psychopath!" I wish I had more time with my kids or, that I knew they would be safe from all of this bullshit. I can't try anymore. I can't fight anymore. I don't have it in me. 

They use the fact that John and, I fought against me but, they don't take into account the fact that he has told me since this started that he can't hear anyone and, that he can't help me yet, he will start saying things that prove he can hear all of this, he just wanted to be able to place the blame on me. I "have to look crazy like indid when I was married to Anthony. I can't look like I have my shit together!" 

Everyone believes that I hurt my daughter or, other kids. John has demolished my life and, had done everything he can to take away what sanity I had left. He has made me question my own memories and, fucked with my head so badly that I am uncertain what to do. They punish me if I kick him out and, punish me if I don't take him back. 

They have had this plan for so long and, they have done so many horrific things that this last one, the very, very last time they will ever hurt me, isn't even a surprise.

John and, Tracy and, anyone that helped them can kiss my ass. This is so disgusting that I am shocked they were able to get away with everything. Raped, kidnapped, assaulted, attempted to kill me. John pretending to be someone else, several someone else's to the point where I don't really know anything about him. Then, to know that this has cost me my family. Cost me my children. Cost me my future and, cost many others the same. It hurts so badly to know that people do not believe me.

To me now, love is something that they have manipulated so much that I am afraid to believe and, someone was afraid to believe me. I am now told that someone I loved was the person who was hurt by someone else. They constantly say things to tuck with my head. I have a lot of love and, respect for someone but, I fell in love with someone else. That person tells me that I can't think about anyone else l. During sex, duh but, in life I can't do that. I try to be compassionate and, kind. I love one person and, I thought that was ok but, I can't tell anymore. They have fucked my head up beyond belief and, I am not sure exactly what to believe. 

They also tell me that these two people hurt me more than anyone else. Because I can not remember large periods of time, they have been able to pump my head so full of lies and, bullshit that I am not going to be able to understand anything. I won't be able to understand what has been done to me possibly for the rest of my life. 

Some things there will never be a way to get over. I can't even joke with or, about my kids especially. That turned out to be a death sentence. Plus, they have lied to my kids so fucking much that my own kids, at least my daughter, doesn't even believe me. Everything they have done was to hurt me and, to get people to hate me. For the rest of my pathetic life, I will be afraid to joke with my own children! The mental damage is never going to go away. 

They use people's voices. They said they recorded them from communication satellites and, who knows, that could be true. They use my voice so much that I can't get some people to believe that it wasn't me that said some things to them. I am done trying. I can't tell when it is them and, when or if it is the actual person. It hurts, I have listened and, talked to some of these people for a long time and, they were on a mission to get everyone to hate me. I can't take the non stop hate anymore. I am sick of hearing how I lost everyone. How so many people fucking hate me. My life has been destroyed and, this stupid cunt has my daughter right now.

So many people knew what was being done to me and, others. I tried to do what they demanded, tried to remain myself at the same time. The abuse has taken such a huge toll that there is no longer a way to survive. The fact that my own family has been in on whatever this is, telling me they don't know anything, when clearly they do, there is nothing left in me.

I can't even find the strength to try anymore. I can't fight what I can't seem I have no idea why they keep saying I hurt my daughter. I don't even know how I hurt her! They have done this exact thing to both of my children. Angela Tracjveski used every voice she could think of but, I have heard that Tracy uses my voice.

Since John has come back from prison, things have only gotten worse. Things they did in the beginning, even things they said they did, it's all been done again! I "didn't learn my lesson"! The first time around. 

I already lived through this once and, I am not able to do it again. I am so fucking sick of being hurt and, tormented, lied about and, lied to that I can't stand it.

They turn people in and, say I did it. They can have my life but, I pray on everything that people can protect my children because, I just can't take anymore