To The Reasons I Am Alive, My Children

Alex and, Sophia,

The two of you are my world. I am not sure what they say to you about me but, I think about you so much. There was never and, would never be anyone in this world that can or, would take your place.

In a better world, people would be allowed to believe and, to think whatever they want to. Unfortunately, that is not allowed for everyone here on this planet.

I no longer have a place here. I am no longer able to find inner peace. This has had the worst effect on you both. I am terribly sorry that people believe rehab or, anything else would have helped. The thing that would have helped is, the people attacking me could have been stopped. They however, can not be.

To these people I am the problem. I didn't believe that my existence was so horrible for so many people. I have learned though, that I am in fact the problem.

I am unable to think the way they demand. I am unable to live the way they demand. I am unable to get people to see that you both are in fact my priority. I am unable to get people to see that I am not a bad person. I have come to believe that I am unable to get people to see that I am a person at all.

I live in a world I no longer can find any joy in. My life only causes others pain. I need you both to be happy. I am sorry that you had to endure life where you have been hurt because, I am you mother. I am sorry I am so hated that people also attacked you, to hurt me. I need you both to be happy and, strong. 

You were and, will always be the reason I lived. You brought me more happiness and, this is the only way I can bring you happiness. These people have made it very clear they will stop attacking when I am gone. 

This is the only way. This is the only gift I can give you. The gift of a life where you will no longer be torn down for having something like me as your mother. You will be ok now.

They can't be stopped while I am alive. I am sorry that it is this way. 

I love you so very much.

I love you forever.

I am sorry.