This Isn't About Your Head
Well, that's good. The things they have done to my head and, the results are catastrophic.
Since this isn't about domestic terrorism and, I am told I know it, I am done giving a shit. Whatever is going on has become way to much for me. They have accused me of everything under the sun. I was told they started telling people I was a child molester BEFORE I was raped which, is why they let a 13 year old rape me and, another child pee on me! They said they had to give the kids their power back!
The things they say they did to me, things I can not remember are so horrible that I can barely comprehend them. Then, to make it much, much worse, for whatever fucked up reason, I can sometimes,bso they tell me, feel these people. To me it just sounds like more fucking with my head but, what do I know.
There are so many things that I can't understand. Things that make no sense in a normal world. Things like even though I can't see anyone, I can tell what they are doing. They have already admitted to changing my brain frequency so that I can only hear certain people and, the rest of the time they do the "frequency offset" thing that removes free will. At one point they told me they had my brain frequency rotating every 30 minutes. They have also admitted to blocking receptors, "poking" at my daughter's brain, John's brain and, because they hated me so much they "poked" at my brain twice as much as theirs combined. That was towards the beginning of the first summer when I heard that. I told John and, asked him what that meant but, like always he didn't know anything. They said it meant burning someone's brain with a satellite but, I would guess it is something worse.
They have lied to me or, who knows maybe it was others who lied, about my son so much that I am still starting to figure things out.
They did this same thing to both of my kids. They have been hurt by this so badly and, it never stops. Last time I saw my daughter not only were John and I accused of molesting her but, they had my daughter draw a family portrait with me having a beard. She said her grandma told her to do that. I know also, that her grandma gave her gabapentin.
"Do you know why they call this a gaslighting? She intends to remove all reality!" At first it was just making me confused about who people are. Changing their voices and, lying about what their name was. Now though, it is much, much worse. I literally can not believe or, count on a single thing I have heard this way. Since I am missing so much time from the things they have done to me and, they all blame each other, I am left guessing at what might be real.
Initially, Angela and, I am unclear on how many others were doing this. Angela Tracjveski wanted to make sure I knew she was in charge and, that I couldn't stop her. She wanted me to know it was her that destroyed my life. Tracy was also blamed from the beginning but, one time they got her name wrong so I didn't think she was part of this. When they said her name wrong they were adamant that I had tricked them.
They have done so many horrific things to me, things I can't remember but, John would come here and, tell me things he wanted to do to me like put me in a diaper, in a bench with a sign in my back and, they would tell me that was already done!
Because nobody was able to talk to me about any of this, it made it so they could tell me anything they wanted and, I had nobody to ask for clarification.
Every day is worse than the day before, my heart is completely decimated and, I have grown into a point where I can not associate my children's names with the people they are. Something I told them at least a year ago.
They swore in the beginning I would never see my children again and, now that, along with pretty much everything else they threatened me with, is happening. I can't catch a break and, I can't keep rehashing all this old shit. At some point it would have been nice for ANYONE to simply sit me down and, tell me what is going on.
Because they said, two different people, that they hired people to kill me and, they would say things like "if you want your voices to stop killing these people with a knife or a gun" and then give out our address or, they told me "from now on anyone you meet you will wonder if they did this to you" or, they would tell me that they switch words and, someone I believe cares actually hates me and, vice versa. I tried for a long time but, eventually fear has taken over. I still kept trying but, without fully knowing what is going on and, so many people saying that I have been doing this to them, I can't. Plus, the last time someone tried, they obviously knew they were going to try and, before I went to the corner store I was frantic from this bullshit. I feel isolated at times and, it hurts to have so many people denying everything.
I remember my brother telling me to drink the drink that was roofied and, when I told him I thought people were in this apartment he told me I was crazy and, to go lay down. They terrorized me, kidnapped me, I am told held me captive and, raped me. Since I can't remember everything I am screwed. Without help, there is nothing I am going to be able to do, maybe ever. Since it was three and a half years ago, there isn't going to be much I can ever do. I can't determine who is talking a lot of the time, unless the conversation dictates certain people and, I can't tell what is a lie and, what isn't.
I am so sick of all of this.