This has been the worst thing I have ever been exposed to. I am on my own so I need people to try to find why I made the choice I made.
Tracy Butterfield and, John Butterfield have both said they molested my daughter. I have listened to someone say that they can prove that they did this Angela Tracjveski as well.
Tracy has said more than once that she not only molested Sophia but, she also molested two of her grandchildren.
They have tried to set me and, someone else up but, only after they made sure that I have no memory of the things that they did to me.
Tracy had said, more than once that she injected me, Sophia and, John with HIV/AIDS and, lately I have been hearing that John does in fact have AIDS. I have asked him multiple times but, he always says no.
I am sorry that I tried to warn people that they were being set up. It only caused me to be threatened and, since it wasn't the first time my life was threatened, I should have taken it more seriously.
They said they held me captive and, kept me drugged from August 3, 2021 - August 25, 2021. They have said that unspeakable things were done to me and, they have even admitted to "whispering" to me but, they said they had me so drugged up that they didn't have to "whisper." I am a little confused here but, I will try to explain what I have been told as clearly as possible. I have been told that someone rescued me from John's family but, so far they have said three different people's names.
One of the people they say rescued me, I have also been told kept me captive himself and, hurt me worse than they did. They have also said that he and, his uncle drugged me more than once, different times if the year. They have said John out shit in my birthday cake because, apparently on Valentine's Day I was given strawberries with shit in them by these people. They said this person molested my daughter but, only because I asked them to do that. I have been told that person raped me and, beat me so severely in the head that my nose was broken and, my jaw dislocated.
They have blamed everything on this man and, his family. My uncle said this person was the only one they let be real but, he didn't want to be around me and, even though I trusted him and, his family completely, they kept telling me they didn't want me. We talked about this very thing yesterday and, last night and, it has been brought up before.
I tried to ask John about him but, John has never known one person that I have ever asked him about. When I tried to warn this person that they were being set up, John threatened to kill me.
I guess that I will not be able to find it why I was told that I had to pick between people I considered family and, this man. Each time I picked him but, nothing I have ever said or, done has made a difference in a good way. He tells me that he hates me and, I am too lazy to be someone he could love.
I am so lost and, hurt and, there is so much time that I can't remember. I heard this man say that John was double checking my memory for him and, he was concerned what would happen if we were together and, my memory came back.
This morning when I was in the bathroom, I heard two other people's voices but, not too long ago I was told that it was this man or, children in his family using the other people's voices. Since I can't see anyone, I have no way to know other than to trust my instincts, which they have demolished. Each time I trust myself, I listen to them prove how stupid I am.
Nobody has ever come and just talked to me about any of this. I have been abandoned in person but, they tell me things I can't verify this way. I have no way of knowing who I am talking to and, asking for help in person only got me made fun of worse.
I feel empty inside. Lost and, so hurt that nobody, not once even though I have been told many times there is an investigation and, that people are on my side, nobody has ever talked to me about this. If anyone said they could hear this, I have gone back to them and, they tell me they can't help me. Two people gave me clues about what may be happening but, it was not about why they have been allowed to torture me. Not about why so many people keep lying to me about all of this. Not about why nobody has ever come and, gotten any information from me, never interrogated me or, questiones me in any way. Most of the time I am not allowed to know who I am talking to, especially if it is a new voice. Nobody has explained why they have been allowed to have clones of my phone or, access to my bank accounts. Why does my mother say she has my power of attorney? I am sane, just being terrorized by a group of people whose ultimate goal was to kill me.
I don't understand a lot of things and, even though I know for certain that someone else saw and, heard John abusing me by, trying to alter my reality, they suddenly disappeared. I heard them say how illegal what he was doing is but, nothing changed. John has abused me badly. He would hit me then, tell me he didn't. Say something then blame it on me. Pop up beside the bed then, tell me he had always been standing there. He tells me I am crazy. That this is all in my head. That he is the only person who is here for me. The only person who shows up for me. That he is protecting me from my brother and, how my family hates me.
Since my family keeps telling me they don't know anything, it feels like they hate me. It is very obvious they do know.
I tried to tell John what I had been told, the small amount when he first came back from prison, in August 2022 but he just smiled at me and, said "if that really happened." IF THAT REALLY HAPPENED PERIOD. I have heard they added words to that statement.
I am sorry that I am a drug addict. Apparently it is my fault they couldn't be stopped and, people have died. I listened to Tracy laughing one day and, when I asked her what was so funny she said "I killed people and, because they are so focused on what you are doing, I got away with it!" They got away with killing people because, I am a drug addict yet, it was too much to believe when she said she was sabotaging me.
It was too much to hope for that when they poisoned me, anyone including my own family would care. It was too much to hope for that anyone would want to help me when John would abuse the shit out of me and, I would get terrorized if I kicked him out and, they would demand I take him back. Nobody cared when they would punish me and, my kids if I told John I didn't want to have sex. One time it was so bad Tracy said next time he asked it would be considered rape. As if him making so many promises and, pretending to love me so much while he reinacted parts of me being raped wasn't bad enough. He would watch and, talk to other women while fucking me. He would pretend he was talking to me but, if I cried or, became non responsive he seemed to like it more. Once I stopped and, started to get up and, he didn't even notice. He would say things, though not out loud like, "this is how I would fuck you if I ever loved you!" He wanted to put my head on someone else's body. He kept trying to give me away but, nobody wanted me.
Angela made fun of me and, kept calling me a sex slave. They say that both John and, the step brother I live with drug me and, let people in to have sex with me, I have heard that I am unconscious some of these times, most of these times. I have no memory of this but, I have heard that my brother has raped me more than once. Sometimes they get paid.
When I first started hearing that I was raped in August 2021, even when my uncle told me and, told me a name of someone who raped me, I didn't believe it. Wouldn't I know? People even asked me that, wouldn't I know? Wouldn't my body have some kind of damage or, I would feel it? I had no idea they kept me captive and, I was missing so much time. I thought because, they roofied me that was why I was missing hours and, nothing fit together. Hours, it wasn't until recently I learned weeks. I was told the person that told me that it was a lot longer than I thought it was, is the person that did that to me!
John told me to my face about the dog and, peanut butter then, tried to convince me that I told him. If he hadn't tried to convince me that I said it, I wouldn't have thought about it. I thought it was some kind of joke. Now I have been told that I did things to the dog. That they ran a big ol' train on me. Just like John used to joke about before he went to prison. I thought he had an odd sense of humor but, never thought he was actually trying to tell me they were going to do that. John told me about his friend who told his wife to go suck some guys dick while they were all sitting around or, how he had a friend that had two dicks in her ass. How he wanted to put me on a bench in public in a diaper (or sometimes he said nude) with a sign on my back. How he wanted to inject me with something that paralyzed me and, watch and, wave while someone beat the shit out of me. I kept being told how that had already been done to me. I have heard they did the paralyzed thing more than once and, threw me into water (a pool and the river) John swore he didn't know anything and, couldn't help me. He told me to put a bag on my head and, play astronaut, same as my uncle. After they had said that, months later, someone told me that they put a plastic bag on my head and, someone held me while I was dying. That they had to use cpr on me.
I know they kidnapped me. I have no idea how I got to Carson though, they have admitted to putting me in the trunk of a car then, removing me from the trunk so they could sexually assault me. I remember walking down Wells barefoot then, looking up and, I was at Sonoma Park in Carson City, just that quick.
I remember once I was in the car going to the auto parts store with John and, I saw grocery outlet was on hwy 50. I said hey I didn't know that then, instantly remembered I had been in there. I looked at John and, he knew too.
I have been terrorized, lied to so badly I don't know what to believe anymore. Nobody would do anything but, tell me how crazy I am in person and, even though I don't remember a lot of things and, people kept telling me they don't believe me, the feeling I had when I talked to Brandon or, his family is something I have never had before.
I am sick of being made fun of. Sick if never understanding what is going on and, sick of begging while I get told to kill myself. Sick of hearing John talking to my uncle that he swears he doesn't know, talking about people he swears he doesn't know. When I ask though, he denies saying anything even though he is talking out loud. Wlif I ask he calls me Looney Bin Jen. He has told my brother to call the police because I was hearing voices when there are no people around. He makes fun of me for hearing them.
I am so hurt and, I feel so lost. Why would my own family help torture me? Why would my heart hurt for someone I can't remember. Why would anyone tell me they love me but, never want to be around me. Why did after five years, my uncle make only one person real? Why didn't that person want to be around me? Why wasn't anyone able to just talk to me? I used to be a person too. I am accused of things they have done to me and, my children and, left to believe that I am alone and, unwanted. I am sorry, there are a lot more things that have been done to me and, my kids. A million different things and, I am done trying to get help. It is clear no help is going to be available. Just voices in the air around me that, may or, more than likely are not on my side.
I can't live like this. The constant drama and, emotional ups and, downs are not something that is normal and, I find no comfort in any of this. Perhaps if my transformation had been complete and, I had become Angela like they said they were trying to make me, I would be more comfortable with this. I am sick if listening to so many people hate me. They have pointed out every reason I should hate myself. Pointed out that nobody wants that and, I am on my own. I am sick of being lied to. Told to trust John. I am sorry and, I hope that maybe someone will be able to understand that this is not how anyone can live. I am sorry that I am so unwanted. I won't bother anyone again. I thought I could believe and, I was wrong.