Nothing Is Real
John introduced me to people and, they weren't who he said they were. The people I hear aren't real. One minute it's someone the next it's all lies.
My life has been so fucked with that I have finally realized, there is no way to get it back. There is no way to sort through the lies. Now way to be able to believe anyone or, anything. Everything is so fucked up and, I can't believe that anyone in hear is who they say they are. When I believe, I get hurt. I have no way to understand anything and, I am fairly sure that there will never be a way out of the things they have done. There is no way back to me.
I hear my families voices blaming me then, hear someone else saying that it wasn't my family. I am done trying to figure anything out.
They have blamed drugs for a while now. When I stopped using they didn't give a fuck. In fact, the abuse became worse and, more disorienting.
It has become more than anyone can handle and, their self righteousness and, cruelty have made me believe that is just how people will treat something like me.
Unless I am precise and, use perfect language, I am punished. Badly punished. It I feel like everyone incoming down on me and, think it or, say that then, everyone all together starts fucking with my head. So ddenky every voice is telling me how much they hate me. There is no way for me to know if itniveruonenor, just their voice.
When someone doesn't live me anymore, they use that to hurt me too.
Anything negativeninsat or, if I take "the bait" and, argue with John or, speak up in any way against these people, they abuse my children.
This is the last post. The last time I will say anything. There is no longer anything that I can do to make them stop. Drugs, their pathetic excuse, especially since some of them are drug addicts themselves, Tracy and, John bring drugs when they come here so, I am not sure what the fuck is going on. A group of domestic terrorists that got away with everything because, I am a drug addict.
After over five years I finally say something about their drug use and, I hear "she finally did it!" Seriously, good thing they aren't a bunch of manipulative, sick cunts.
I hope the next people they do this to have a way to stop them. Nothing I could ever do will make a difference and, nothing will take the trauma if all of this away.
It is better if I am no longer here. Then, I can't say or, do something that they will use as an excuse to hurt my children and, they use my voice to do that!