Just Kill Yourself!

I hate myself more than anything ir, anyone ever fucking could. I am so fucking sick of being beaten down and, then told it's my fucking fault. Told how people hate themselves for caring about me. How I am not worth caring about, that I should be someone worth caring about. Guess what, I can't build myself up faster than all of these people can hear me down. 

Evidently, I am not anything that most people can care about. 

My own fucking mother would rather tell me she can't help me than, just talk to me. I am done caring. What's the point? So they can prove that I care and, use it to hurt me more?

Fuck being alive. They got what they wanted. I can't build up enough self esteem before they come and, destroy me. There are so many of them that, it is time for me to give up. Congratulations on killing someone who can't even do this shit. Someone who did nothing but care. 

I am done being hurt because they keep me guessing about my own life. My life is over. All because they are a bunch of low life cunts. Fine with me! Who would want to be treated like this day after day after day. I hate being alive. I can't even say how I feel without it being wrong. I have to walk in eggshells to keep the last few people in my life. Guess what?! I don't want a life. I don't want to be alive. I do not want to live. I am sick if being out down all the God damn time when I didn't say anything in the first fucking place 99% of the time. Now, I hate myself so God damn much that I no longer want to try. I do not want to survive. What would be the fucking point? I hate my life so fucking much that I just do not care anymore God damn more.

Fuck these entired world. I will never, ever want to be alive and, nobody will ever be able to help me now. Fuck this. I am nothing more than a mistake from start to mother fucking finish! Just something to use and, then throw away. 

People have not only proven that I am not a fucking person, I am not anything to even care about. Now, I don't care either!

They fuck with my head when I sleep, then tell me I should be sleeping. Can't do whatever I can to stay awake and, who would want to stay awake when people enjoy telling them 24/7 how unwanted they are. I am worthless as a thing can get! I asked my own family for help but, they don't know anything. I have asked so many people and, been told the same fucking thing while they then prove they could have told me the truth but, either didn't fucking care or, were too afraid.

My mom never believes a word I fucking say. I didn't tell her I was a drug addict so it's ok for her to lie to me. It was ok for people to kill me. 

I DI NOT WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE. EVERYTHING I DO INLY GETS MY KIDS OUNISHED AND, I AM SO SUCK IF NEVER BEING ABLE TO DO ANYTHING RIGHT.

To listen to people beat me down and, use my children to hurt me then, listen to them deny everything and, blame me! This is the end for me. I want to die so badly that I can't think anymore about anything else.

I didn't do anything to anyone. I have no idea what people believe about me or, if anyone even gives a shit that people are being murdered. All I hear is people blaming me. When I point out that I could hear people defending me, I was told nobody else could hear them! 

What did I do to deserve to be treated like garbage? I can't take anymore more. How stupid of me to live and, respect the man I married until his own mother ok to bed that I couldn't do that! I still tried though! 

Their attack against me has finally made me realize, there is no reason for something like me to remain alive. 

I am done trying. Done believing in myself. Done speaking up. Done living.

I am so sick of telling the truth and, either being called a liar or, told that people know I am telling the truth, they just don't care, like my mother said! 

I have no way of knowing anything unk ss someone tells me yet, I am the problem. 

I rarely say it, think anything anymore. It isn't safe for me to. I don't know when they are lying to me and, when it is the truth. So, I am done living. Why bother? Why should I give a shit about people when I am not a person? All they do is cause me so much pain and, I do not want pain anymore. I am sick of people using my voice to hurt others and, using other voices to hurt me!

Now, I just do not care about anyone! Things could have been different but, I didn't matter to anyone.

That much is beyond clear. I hate myself for even trying to believe that I was still a person. I hate myself for trying to believe the good things, as few as there were, were what is real. I am garbage and, I have to die. That is what is real.

I am so sick of being alive. What's the point? These people have tortured me and, my own mother helped them! My own family would rather lie to me than help me have some baseline for reality. 

I spend a few minutes talking to someone who is nice to me and, then get so slammed to the ground that I am done being alive. 

I am in ick if being blamed for having any kind of normal reaction to the severe abuse they have put me through. I am deeply sorry I ever spoke up and, tried to tell people what was being done to me. SPEAKING UP AND, TRYING TO STOP PEOPLE FROM KILLING NE ONLY MADE THINGS WORSE.

I have lost every reason I had to stay alive. From what I can hear and, how I am treated in person, I am the problem. I am done being the problem. Done being blamed for things that they know I am not doing. Done being told I was raped when there is nothing I can do about it and, nobody that can talk to me in person. Imagine voices in the air, voices that you know are real people including your mother and, children and, they tell you that you were raped. Then they tell you that you weren't raped. When you ask for help in a way that is normal and, that you can understand, everyone tells you they don't know anything! 

WAS I RAPED OR, NOT? WHY CAN'T MY OWN MOM TELL ME THE TRUTH? WHY DIDNT SHE BELIEVE IN ME? WHY TELL NE I WAS TAPED IF I WASN'T? WHY TELL NE ANY OF THE HORRIFIC THINGS THEY HAVE TOLD ME IF THEY WEREN'T TRUE? IF I CANT EVEN GET MY MOM TO BELIEVE ME, WHO AM I GOING TO GET TO BELIEVE ME? SHE SURE COULD HAVE TOLD ME SOMETHING TO HELP ME! 

NOW THAT I KNOW HOW WORTHLESS I AM, I GIVE UP MY LIFE. THE LEVEL IF MANIPULATION GAS HECOME TOO MUCH! I HAVE NO CHOICE LEFT. I AM NOT A PERSON. I AM NOT ANYTHING