I Can't Care Anymore
What in the flying fuck did anyone think was going to be the outcome?
Hmmmm, let's use every single person that this dumb bitch ever cared about to hurt her. Nobody will be able to talk about any of this in person. In fact, let's all just pretend we don't know anything EXCEPT, a handful of people. Even better, let's have her marry some dude that she is constantly told she is now wrong about and, that dude can tell her it's all in her head! No support from him! He will just lie and, lie and, lie but, almost everyone will blame her. Then, let's prove that the people she loved and, that said they loved her hurt her! Who cares if she does? Nobody.
Let's use her kids every God damn day while she begs you to fucking stop because there is now a numbness. Because she can't picture their faces or, associate their names with the human they are! We will all ignore her telling us this and, we will tell her she is faking being hurt! To make sure she does, let's have her mother lie to her and, then she can blame her too!
The best part is, this dumb bitch doesn't even know who hurt her and, she wouldn't know anything at all if you all had t decided to unload every single fucked up thing you did to her.
Then, after five years, we can let her believe one person, someone who clearly hates her l, is real. He won't ever be around her and, you can say anything you want about him. It won't matter. We will just hurt anyone that she cares about and, then they will all hate her too!
Her life didn't matter. Her mother never wanted kids anyways, just grandkids so we will send her daughter there and, she will be happy.
I er five years of begging my own mother for help. Five years of listening to people I cared about be hurt and, blame me. Now, I just don't fucking give a shit.
People would rather protect rapists and, murders. People who admit that they lied about everything so they could have the opportunity to torture some stranger they hated to death. I am not a God damn child molester. Not that anyone gives a flying fuck.
Beware of marrying into the Butterfield family. I lost everything all because John Butterfield never loved me and, Angela couldn't get a grip. In the end his mother and, her sandpaper face decided that I had to die. Fine with me. What's a life where you are afraid of people? What's a life where you have been so hurt using your own children that you have no choice but to make the pain stop how ever you can?
I married into a family that would rather help a woman who openly admits to taking part of Tracy's foot, molesting their grandchildren, doing this to them so that she could remove them from John's life so she would be all he had. She planned to send his entire family to prison so he would go crawling back to her and, she would be his only reality lol why wouldn't people defend her?! I mean, she definitely didn't do anything to anyone. Oh wait, that was me, the woman she still pretends to be! Why would anything matter? She needed to prove she is the better woman. She needed people to pick her over me. She needed the attention. I just needed my family. Jokes on me, even they chose her! Good
Word to the wise, the truth will never matter. you are happy and, it displeases someone, prepare to be tortured. After all we were "the happiest couple anyone had ever seen so, we should have expected this!" Seems logical that you would get as much help as humanly possible to destroy happiness. Why would John's mother say he was the happiest she had ever seen him then, kill me? Oh, that's right, because it was all a scam! Start to finish. Manipulation and, pretending and, I was stupid enough to have believed he actually gave a fuck. Just like they said would happen, Tracy now has my daughter and, my son hates me.
LEGAL KIDNAPPING. Just like they said she would do! Fanfuckingtastic. Oh well. Now I know where my place is. Gone. Since they won't stop until I am dead and, people are so fucking sick of doing this and, I am sick of being manipulated and, hurt that I will never give a fuck again.
I can't imagine being stupid enough to care again. How many times does someone have to say "Jennifer, who loves you now?" "Jennifer, nobody cares about you now" ect, before you finally realize that is the actual truth. Why else would so many people lie to me? Why else would so many people tell me to kill myself every day? Why else wouldn't it matter the horrific things they have done to me and, that I can't remember? It doesn't. It is either give your life to them or, die. I was meant to die. They picked me BEFORE I had children and, I guess they just figured they could use them too. After all, Tracy admitted that I am John's imaginary friend "George" and, John said he has been able to see George since he was a little kid, so........ He is only four years younger than I am, I would have not been much older than a child too.
I know once that one of them kept calling the apartment my mom and, I lived in. The kept just heavy breathing and, my grandma picked up after a while and, screamed at them. They would harass me in the shower, even back then. I remember I put a towel in the window thinking it would slmake it stop. I didn't realize there was nothing I could do.
They "see through other people's eyes." Which explains the girl that would sit in her room and, stare at us all the time. Not that anyone can do anything. I have been their victim my whole life. It is just easier to get rid ofenat this point. Easier to be horrible to me and, then, blame me.
The worst part is, if anyone really thought about everything I have said and, think about the fact I told the truth, ABOUT EVERYTHING. Maybe this is just how things are meant to be. My grand destiny. To take the blame for the things that this group has done! At least they stopped trying to talk to me about personal responsibility!
I didn't do what they demanded. It seemed to me that my own family could have talked to me. Once they said they didn't know anything then, proved they did, I didn't take anything they said seriously. Nobody should ever, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, EVER be told any of the things they say happened to me while they have no way to get help. While they have nobody who admits to hearing any of this consistently. I feel lucky that I was able to open up a tiny bit in person and at the same time terrified because, me opening up made it so their family was threatened. People have been hurt, a lot of them hurt worse than me.
They tell me people died because of me. Because they couldn't be stopped unless I got off drugs or, that it was me that killed them because I wasn't nice enough. "I told you to be nicer!" If I had never been born, they wouldn't have had to do this. It's my fault that they had to hurt and, kill other people because, I survived and, I wasn't supposed to.
They have already proven that a lot of people who said they cared, didn't. I was foolish to have cared about so many people. Especially, when only a few people actually proved they gave a fuck. I didn't want people to be blamed for things they didn't do. Some people said they have been trying to help and, I believe them. I would have rather had them in my life than, whatever you want to call this but, it wasn't meant to be that way. Angela said people helped me too much in my life so, they weren't allowed to help now. She said that I prevented people from helping her. I don't know how since prior to her hijacking my head SHE WAS A STRANGER AND, I HAD NEVER EVEN HEARD HER NAME! Anything someone said to me that caused her some sort of jealousy pain or, pain in general became my fault.John said they were only friends, he didn't think she was attractive. So I wasn't allowed to believe that I am attractive. I never thought I was beautiful, I didn't think I should have to wear a bag on my head though. Things like that, things she only knew from spying on people, were all my fault. Nobody would have dared say anything about her if I hadn't been there for them to tell! It is completely my fault.
To find out how many people have done this to me and, how stupid I was to have believed that people cared just because they said they did, I won't make that mistake again!
I believed too. For them to turn around and, be just as horrible as John has been, I wish I could believe they were still being manipulated instead of, knowing that they just want to hurt and, humiliate me. It sucks, I already know they are being punished for things that they were told to do. They were used to hurt me then, punished for being used. Since I couldn't get people to believe that, now they are fucked. I tried at least. Not that it mattered. I am happy to continue to try to move forward and, be with people who hopefully actually do care about me. Except, now apparently I lost them too. I guess I should t have held out hope that anyone would still want to believe me.
I am sorry that I am the person I am.