The End

These people must be thrilled. All it took was John showing up to make me realize, there will never be a reason to believe in myself again. I refuse to even try.

I don't want him here. Apparently, I showed him friends will just stab him in the back and, how you can never trust anyone ever. Huh, I SHOWED HIM THAT?! 

I am done trying. I am done living. I will always hate the person I am. I will always hate that I tried to find the good in people. I don't want to like myself. 

I used to ask why John? Why did it have to be John? Why did it have to be this man that I lived so much. Now, he is standing here yelling at me asking why me!!!!! 

He tells me I mock him! He tells me that while he is standing here kicking me and abusing the ever living fuck out of me. He will never stop abusing me. He pretends to not know anything about all of this yet, he clearly does. I can't even begin to describe how disgusting I find myself. How could anyone be as fucking stupid as I am.

Everything he is saying right now is everything that I say when I am begging for them to stop abusing me. This was the best thing that could have happened. John showing up this morning and, doing this to me is by far the best thing that could have happened. Him pretending that I started this fight and, that he is the one being tortured, beyond perfect.

I do not care at all anymore. I am done being blamed for things that have been done to me. For others to have participated in torturing me and, trying to get me to kill myself, people who know full well that they have been abusing me to death, for them to be telling this asshole what to say and, do, THANK YOU! Seriously, thank you from the bottom of my big, fat heart. It is an added bonus for me to let a name float into my head only to be accused of blaming that person! 

I blam we de nobody but, myself. It was my own stupidity that let this happen. My own stupidity that made me believe I was a person. MY APOLOGIES TO PEOPLE WHO TET UPSET THAT I SAT NOBODY INSTEAD OF I'll am ALMOST NOBODY. THE SECOND SOMEONE GETS MAD AT ME FOR SAYING EVERYBODY, CLEARLY JOHN CAN HEAR SINCE HE IMMEDIATELY STOPPED CRYING AND STARTED CALMING DOWN.

Now that I have not a single person left in my life and, no reason to live he asks me if I want to sit on his hard cock. I should say yes then cut that fucking thing right the fuck off. I am sick if being abused then blamed for the abuse. Sick of him telling me he is going to pick a fight and push my buttons then, it's my fault. Fine with me. People like me deserve to die. People like me are only here for people to abuse. I don't want to live. Not than anyone gives a shit anyways. I am glad nobody believes me 


IT 

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