My Future Is Pretty Clear
If these people have their way, I won't have a future.
They have been doing so many things to make me sick and, to get me to kill myself or, to get someone else to kill me.
They have been telling people that I am a child molester since BEFORE I met John. At least that is what I have recently been told!
They have put cockroach poison in my food and, I thought I was going to die from that. They have poisoned me before that too.
They terrorized me 24/7, in all actuality they are torturing me and, almost every day they tell me to kill myself! Somehow though, everything is blamed on me.
I live with my brother and, he has been in on all of this too. I just flossed my teeth and, after flossing I noticed that my dental floss is yellow! It isn't supposed to be yellow. They tell me all the time they spit in my food, out toilet water in it (something they have tried to do to me a long time ago too!) pee on the floor, just all kinds of foul things.
My brother will turn up the heat until it is over 80° in the apartment . Make fun of me all night long. Laugh at me all of the time. John told me all the time that my brother wants to pour boiling water on my legs. I guess he wants to kill me too. He definitely does not want me living here. He does as much as possible to make me feel uncomfortable.
If I become homeless, they have told all the people that can hear them that I am a child molester. John assures me that calling someone that can, in fact, get them murdered! Now, my choices are to become homeless and, more than likely be murdered or, stay here and, eventually be murdered.
I can't understand anything at all. I do not remember what has been done and, now they are blaming me, again for all these things. I don't know what is going on and, from the way it sounds, if anyone believes me, they don't say much. I think a few people believe me but, there are people that I have trusted, completely trusted, no questions, even when they have been accused of things and, they no longer sound like they are in my side.
Each time I try to go to hang out with the last friends I have, I get terrorized so badly it becomes almost impossible to leave the apartment. I need to take a shower so, of course now I hear a crowd and, all these people making fun of me, even my mom!
They tell me all kinds of bullshit things like, my children don't think I live them anymore.
Someone just asked me if I give up! Give up what? What the fuck is going on?
I keep being told everyone is moving on without me. Ok, Angela was pretty pissed that everyone moved on without her when this started but, they keep pushing everything into me.
My life has become a nightmare and, it is pure misery. Nothing makes sense and, there isn't anyone I can ask.
I can't live a normal life and, they just keep telling me I am losing everyone. I can't understand what the fuck is going on or why they won't stop. It is bullshit. Obviously they are incredibly paranoid that everyone will leave them, otherwise they wouldn't fucking focus on it all the damn time.
That is how I'm pissed Angela off in the beginning. I just picked on her for whatever she was picking on me about. I pretty much just repeated her bullshit back to her but, then she turned around and, told people how mean I was to her!
I guess if I lose all these people who, aren't around me anyways and, who sound like they hate me and, are blaming me for all the fucked up shit that bitch has done to me then, that's what happens. They have terrorized me so badly and, hurt me so badly there are times I can't remember what happened to me.
It is incredibly difficult since they use so many voices that belong to other people it makes this all very confusing. I know they are trying to remove everyone from my life so I "have to go crawling back to John!" His mother has already demanded I put money on his books because, he is in jail. They are now saying it was John telling me I have to stay with him and, I had better out money on his books! Sure, while he is in jail.
Every day I lose the same person and, early this morning I heard someone say how grateful they were because they thought they were going to have to spend the night with something like me! Whew, at least they were saved from that!
I am already having a very hard time wanting to be around anyone. I am starting to believe that it would be better for me to never be around anyone or, anything living. The risk of being beaten down is too high and, I am sick if being hurt. ONE THING FOR SURE THOUGH, I WILL NEVER, EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE BE AROUND JOHN AGAIN. I DONT WANT HIS FAMILY, WHO IS PART OF THE PEOPLE DEMANDING I STAY WITH HIM, NESR ME OR MY CHILDREN! THIS IS BY FAR THE SICKEST, MOST DISGUSTING THING I HAVE EVER HEARD IF. All because I said John was my own, personal Angela! Which, at least has made it crystal clear his mother knew every single thing that was being done. I said he was my own Angela because, she kept asking me what it felt like to be married to her! "How did it feel to be married to Angela?" Or "married to me?!" This, this however is so disgusting that I am finding it harder and, harder to be around anyone.
I can't handle fighting. I can't handle stress. I can't handle the things that John does that fuck with my head so badly. This whole thing was so planned out that, they knew not just what I would do and, how I would react but, what others would do and, how they would react too.
Each time I learn to trust someone or, believe something that they tell me, that person will be used to demolish me. It has happened a few times before.
If people don't start openly talking about this and, stop hiding what is being done, it will never stop. That is how they have been able to hurt me so badly. How they were able to take away my reality. Nobody will talk to me in person. Anything said this way can be manipulated and, they have already proven that. Without openly talking, my reality is what they make it. There are too many variables that I have no control over. It isn't the first time I have heard someone I thought I could trust it, believe tell me how disgusting they think I am. It's like once I trust someone the gates of hell open up and, they will do and, say anything they can to hurt me. They play a crowd cheering on the abuse so loudly that I can't hear anyone over the top of it usually and, there is no relief.
I am losing my fucking mind and, I don't know what to do. I end up backing away from people I trusted it, loved because they tear me down and, don't want anything to do with me. How can anyone be this sick, let alone a while grouoo of people. I am losing my fucking mind because of this bullshit!