I Can't Live Like This

I don't know what about all of this was hard to understand or, hard to care about but, I AM STILL NOT ALLOWED TO KNOW WHO ANYONE IS! Some people are aware of this, they said something about it earlier!

I am very sorry that I believed I was a person at all. It is very clear by the way I am being kept confused and, I am so sick of being blamed for people being hurt. Since people seem to believe that if I just do what they demand, things will get better and, the trauma will disappear. Everything will be perfect and, all of this will just drop away, if I do everything they demand.

I listen to someone be so elated because they got me to think like someone else!

I am never, ever going to even try to give a fuck about myself again. I barely care now but  , after tonight I learned my lesson.

I hear something so uplifting it made me cry, only to be beaten back to where I belong. I get told how John always told him I was a whore. How nice of someone to torture me instead of kick me out! It doesn't matter anymore. 

Someone tells me every fucking day they regret something they have done for me! Every day someone regrets helping me. 

I can't take anymore I can't. I know I am ky a person so it doesn't matter but, I can't.

So, please be happy. Live better lives than this far, ugly, unwanted thing did. 

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