I Am Done With This Bullshit
Fuck this. It has become so hurtful and, so clearly what is being done to me that I don't get what the fucking issue is.
Every mother fucking time people start to listen to my questions, they show something else that I am not allowed to see and, more and, more people start talking shit.
It is obvious that John has never loved me. Lienon too of lie to the point that I wish I had never met him. I am sick of him saying he doesn't want to fight with me then, pump me more full of fucking lies. Someone else must be watching since he is blaming me for every single thing that has been done to me! Nobody will talk to me in person or, in any normal way. I hear my mom saying she doesnt want to add to my stress which, is no better than there is a gag order.
WHAT PART OF I HAVE NO FUCKING MEMORY IS CAUSING YOU ISSUES?! All if the things that have been done wouldn't have clicked together if you didn't know that I wouldn't be able to do and, say the things they have been.
I am sick of being called a fucking child molester. They keep telling me all these different people are child molester and, then they tell me they thought I would be more comfortable admitting what I am if they were around me!
Tracy has already said she "used people that felt guilty" to rape me. I heard my uncle crying saying that he could have done something before the rape because they have been trying to give me AIDS. John has even put a balloon of some kind in my vagina and, popped it and, it had blood in it!
The things they fucking tell me are so bad that I wasn't supposed to survive. Now, they don't know what to do with me because I have survived! They keep asking me "how are you confused?" Seriously?! You mean besides the month plus that I have no memory of? Besides the fact that when I think I am talking to one person, someone else comes along and, tells me I was talking to them! Besides the lies they keep telling me? Besides the things they have gotten away with?
Who brings their children to a place that they knew someone was drugged and, was going to be raped? For fucks sake, his sister in law brought her kids and, she raped me! Now, they are telling me not only did I molest my daughter, I molested my nephews too! Which /also must have been part of the plan, why else bring them? John keeps telling me I snatched his nephew and, went into a closet with him! WHAT IN THE FUCK. His sister in law has also admitted to "whispering" to me during that time. Although, someone else said she didn't really have to whisper since they kept me so drugged up it wouldn't have mattered!
How can my parents have been ok with this? They knew the plan. Everyone except, obviously me knew the God damn plan. No wonder John never admitted to hearing anyone. He still denies it but, the other night I heard him say that he didn't hear anyone until he got to prison and, that's a fact! Except it isn't. He swears he has never known anyone who has heard voices. He said "this is his first rodeo!" Also a lie. He has been setting me up for so long that I am not sure I am going to ever get my life back!"
Why would you force children to watch and, listen to their mother be abused and, told to kill herself?! I know they are so pissed at me because of I am able to get my daughter back, she will never be around Tracy or, Angela again. At this point we may have to go into hiding from almost everyone. I am still trying to understand what exactly is going on. Tracy has openly admitted she will kill me so she can spend more time with my daughter. They have done some seriously terrifying things using my children yet, I am still sitting here with people, for whatever reason, not able to talk to me about this! Now, even though I am a good mom and, I had a very close relationship with my children, my daughter and, I have also heard my son telling me that they blame me! I already knew it would be an uphill battle to be close to them once they moved away. I am sure that was part of the plan too. They said the same thing about John. They had to separate us to break us up! It has been difficult knowing that they tell my kids the most fucked up things when I talk to them and, even though they say now that they don't, I don't believe that for a second! They were telling them, until recently, to kill themselves because they still love me each time I talked to them! They will do things to sabotage me then, throw it in my face and, there is little I can do. I feel like the worst parent in the world and, I am at a loss on how to get them to leave kids alone. Stop talking to my children unless you have very specific permission and, even then, please try to remember they are kids and, this can't be easy for them. I can't understand why anyone would want to use kids the way they have. What kind of people play pornography and, all sorts of other things at schools? These people do!
They keep telling me there are other things to consider besides me. Ok, what are those things? What is going on that people are able to try to kill me while you are "investigating?" Everything I have heard, there isn't a single thing that is being brought up that couldn't be looked into even if nobody is doing this. People in prison, jail, dying but, the severity of all of this seems lost in these people. Probably because the same people investigating are the people that have been doing this. How can you remove a situation when you are more worried about covering your ass?
There are a million more questions with no answers. They try to come up with answers for everything but, they are usually so far fetched that, it makes no sense. No logic. Then, John comes here and tells me I have no logic.
It is sad that so many people are part of this. I listen to so many people say they "want out" but, this isn't a small thing. I have tried to be patient and, kind and, find ways that can help people understand how bad some of the things they are doing are. Some people have taken that advice and, tried to educate themselves and, better themselves. Others, simply make fun of me and, laugh at me all the time.