Everyone Hates Me
I guess this was the way it was meant to be. I am not sure what I did. Not sure why everyone walked away from me. I didn't think that they could make me as unhappy as they have.
I sit here and listen to people lie about me. Listen to others believe those lies. I am ready to move on. Completely ready.
I lost everyone I never knew. I lost people I learned to trust and, love. Nobody believes in me and, I gave the benefit of the doubt toi many times. Nothing I do it say is going to make any of this better. I have been lied to so many times I already know I have no value.
I don't care anymore. I don't know if there is a way to change that. Instead of helping me or, wanting to be around me or, even seeing me as a person, I am just garbage.
My own family thinks I am garbage. Day after day, I still tried but, I have no strength to keep trying. What would it matter anyways. They will just do everything they can to get me to stay down. I regret being happy. It's not something I feel anymore. People who look "like me" shouldn't have confidence anyways. Everything I believed in life has been trampled over. Anyone I trusted had lost faith in me and, I give up.
My kids hate me. They were used to hurt me so badly that I am numb now. Just incredibly depressed. All these things they did to get this result were minimized. Who cares they caused all the issues they caused? In the end I am the problem.
Angela flat out said she wouldn't be able to handle everyone walking away from her. She was so pissed off that John's family seemed to embrace me, for a little while, as part of the family. Now, I have no family, no friends, no hope, no joy. Everything good somehow became bad. Nothing about me is ever going to be good enough.
The loss of my kids, my family and, people I genuinely loved has proven to me that I am not meant to be here. Nothing is ever going to make me feel like I should be here. Nothing will ever dulk the pain of the things that have happened and, the things that I am blamed for. I am sorry I loved anyone at this point. Sorry that I wasn't worth anything but, trouble. Sorry I believed in myself. Sorry that no matter what I do I am always wrong. There is nothing but pain in life. There will never be anything but, pain in life. Everything is always my fault and, I give up
They were right, it wasn't what they were doing to me and, so many others that was the problem. I am the problem. I have always been a problem and, I will always be a problem. Nothing about me wants to be here anymore. My life has been destroyed and, I was stupid to have believed that people would help me. Even the people that tried have given up on me. Everything will forever be my fault. I don't know if anyone even gives a shit how badly they have treated so many people. People died. As long as they can blame me and, make me look like a liar and, an idiot that's all that anyone sees about. As long as they can prove that I am the problem and, if I go away things will get better, as long as they can hurt me as badly as possible, that is all anyone seemed to care about
I am happy to remove the problem from the situation. Maybe then, things can go back to normal. Maybe then, once the idiot and, the mistake is gone, people can get their lives back. Since I am not a person anymore, I am happy to comply.
All it would have taken was people openly talking about this. It would have made it so something like me would have been able to know what or, who I could believe in. Now that nobody believes in me, I just don't care