Over

I shouldn't have tried. I shouldn't have believed their plan wouldn't work. I shouldn't have thought that anyone could or, would be able to help me. Especially once they started killing people who elhad anything hing nice to think about me. 

They killed people because, I didn't kill myself soon enough. I thought that things would get better but, they only get worse. I am tired of not being able to believe in myself. Tired of being around people and, then hearing how they don't want me around either. 

I know my feelings didn't matter. Anytime I said I am being put through too much or, that I am in too much pain I am told this is how I make others feel.

I hear that to get everyone off for hurting me, raping me, kidnapping me, John's plan was to kill me. I am happy to report it worked. I should have given up a long time ago. Should have known that it was too easy to hurt me and, just let go of my life. 

I didn't do this to anyone and, I am sorry if people believe I did. 

I am sorry that people lover me. Sorry I defended people I love. It seems I only caused more damage by being open and, honest. I wish people could have believed me. Believed in me. I guess it was too much to hope for.

NEVER, EVER MARRY A BUTTERFIELD. YOU WILL NOT ESCAPE WITH YOUR LIFE. YOU WILL NEVER BE ALLOWED TO LOVE ANYONE ELSE. YOU WILL BE HURT BEYOND WHAT YOU WOULD THINK YOU VAN HANDLE. THERE IS NOTHING LEFT IN MY LIFE THAT I CAN FIND HAPPINESS IN. NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY, I CANT DO THE RIGHT THING. NO MATTER HOW MUCH I LOVE, I CANT HANDLE MY LIVE BEING USED TO CAUSE PAIN. 

I LOVED AND, THEY DESTROYED MY LIFE WITH THE PEOPLE I LOVE. YHEY HIRT SO MANY PEOPLE AND, LEFT ME UNABLE YO BELIEVE IN MYSELF. I AM SORRY THAT I CANT HANDLE MORE PAIN. SORRY THAT NOBODY WANTED YO BELIEVE YHEY WERE DOING THIS. I JUST GIVE UP. MY LIFE IS HURTING TOO MANY PEOPLE.

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